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【重温】澎湃全媒体实验室|上海:61天,61人

2 June 2024 at 12:52
CDT 档案卡
标题:上海:61天,61人
作者:IP SHANGHAI
发表日期:2022.6.1
来源:微信公众号“澎湃全媒体实验室”
主题归类:上海封城
CDS收藏:公民馆
版权说明:该作品版权归原作者所有。中国数字时代仅对原作进行存档,以对抗中国的网络审查。详细版权说明

61,是个神奇的数字。
6月1日,上海重回常态,而从4月1日浦西封控时算起,上海全市层面的封控管理恰好持续了61天。
在重启自由的欢呼声中,那些曾经铭刻于心的人和事,此刻,或许正从我们的脑海中渐渐淡去。
为了减缓记忆的流速,IP SHANGHAI随机梳理了61位“小人物”在这61天里和时代的落灰奋力搏斗的故事——与所有的“大事件”一样,这些微末而光辉的片段,也是城市珍贵的历史。
愿上海记得住,所有的付出,所有的爱与痛。

01.黄健才 60岁

带着骨灰回家的男人

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黄建才在上海虹桥火车站外 参考资料:澎湃新闻

箱子里装的是亡妻殷桃香的骨灰,黄健才走在上海空荡荡的街头,想起32年前带着未婚妻子来上海的场景,东西买完就回家结了婚。

而现在一切都结束了——两个月前妻子从常州来上海化疗,5月6日病逝于沪。

第二天黄健才徒步7个多小时,20多公里,走到火车站,他紧紧抓着行李箱的把手一路没停,只有在碰到过桥的时候,会放慢一点脚步。

故乡有一种说法,亡灵自己过不了桥,要喊名字带着过桥。“不然她不认识路,要跑丢掉。”

02.叶鸣 108岁

03.王漫如 93岁

高龄患者和他的战友

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王漫如(左)、莫韵竹(中)和叶鸣(右)在抗美援朝战场上的合影 参考资料:澎湃新闻

穿越70多年的风霜岁月,两位战友又一次取得了胜利。

5月14日,108岁的叶鸣老先生出院。这也是此次上海疫情以来出院的最高龄患者。

巧合的是,叶老先生的一位战友,正是此前广受关注的93岁新冠重症患者王漫如。年轻时,他们曾在同一家医院工作过,也同为医院派出的第一批抗美援朝医疗队队员。

当时的王漫如20岁出头,是一名儿科护士,叶鸣30多岁,是一名麻醉师。

04.周良铁 72岁

马路魔术师

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周良铁表演马路魔术 参考资料:劳动观察

空荡的马路是他的舞台,葱郁的梧桐是他的观众。

年过古稀的周良铁在疫情中的复兴中路举行的个人魔术秀,成为封控中上海人优雅气质的特写。

保安、邻居、快递小哥,感受着他带来的快乐与治愈。他说上海的抗疫并不是死气沉沉的,要把市民的心火点燃。

05. 王开心 95后

病倒的“团长”

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王开心的朋友圈 参考资料:益美传媒

成为“团长”后,新疆姑娘王开心成了整个小区最期盼的人。

整合资源、盘活物资、联络人员、处理矛盾……王开心天天要与这些问题打交道。

东西丢了,货品损坏了,一般都是自己垫赔。她还写了一份详细的word版群公告,争取解决大家99%的疑问。

终于,为2万人送菜,管理20个群,倒赔几千块后,她病倒了。她在朋友圈写下:“放弃很容易,但是坚持一定很酷。”

06.何军

生命“摆渡人”

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参考资料:澎湃新闻

疫情最艰难的时候,何军报名了转运司机,每天驾驶一两百公里接送社区重疾患者,连续多天没有好好休息,瘦了十几斤。

母亲劝他歇歇,老何只说“既然做了就要坚持到底”,带着保心丸又上路了。

4月25日,何军驶入高速公路时突发不适,凭着最后一点意识,他把车开到应急车道停下,守护了一车病人。一起工作的伙伴谁都不敢再提起他,害怕想起他的笑容,想起他说,“歇会吧,我来”。

疫情让一个自由职业者变成了生命摆渡人。

07.于夫

脱口秀演员当上外卖骑手

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参考资料:上观新闻

为了写段子,注册了外卖骑手,却没想到疫情期间送了几百单药。

脱口秀演员于夫,开始只想寻找喜剧冲突的效果,却看到上海人不改原先的“分寸感”,待人接物很“适怡”。

期待他再次走上舞台,带给大家更精彩的段子。

08.刘强

方舱里的跑者

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参考资料:冰点周刊

刘强做了一件不少马拉松跑者不敢想像的事——在方舱里跑出了四个马拉松的距离。

刘强把进方舱当成一种“特殊时期的特殊体验”。他跑步,听播客,侃大山,给压抑着情绪的舱友做“心理按摩”。

他跑步的走廊也是一名15岁姑娘的“琴房”。她从温州赶来上海参加音乐学院的小提琴考试,被疫情困住了。在方舱,她每天坚持练琴5小时以上。

09.漪安 89岁

10.涂小鹿 90后

上海奶奶和武汉姑娘

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漪安奶奶写给涂小鹿的信 参考资料:澎湃新闻

漪安今年虚岁90,涂小鹿是一个“90后”。一个住10楼,一个住25楼。楼上楼下,五年十年没说上几句话。

直到疫情来了,志愿者小鹿敲开了独居老人漪安的家,两个人成了彼此的依靠。奶奶喜欢喝点咖啡,小鹿就为她众筹了咖啡。母亲节,小鹿给漪安送了一束风铃花;漪安给小鹿回了一封信:“拥抱你,我的姑娘”。

11.“电话亭女士” 52岁

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电话亭女士和她的小狗 参考资料:中国青年报

从浦西封控开始,她牵了一只狗,走进了小区对面的红色电话亭。整一个月,她都住在里面。

小区封闭,没人能接近那个电话亭。有居民飞了一架无人机,这是和电话亭女士第一次正式打招呼,还做成视频:“电话亭的日常——邻居们关注的马路邻居。”

她告诉记者,自己是山东人,来上海20年了。常去上海图书馆,或者福州路的书城,“福州路的书城在全国都是数一数二的。”

“人活得简单才能活得自由”。她说,要慢慢感受城市的底蕴,分得清“上只角”“下只角”。

12.杨页 29岁

13.米周 33岁

在天台结婚的新人

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参考资料:澎湃新闻

封控楼里新婚的食物需求是那么简单,有一点情趣就满足了。米周和杨页要结婚了,他们的新婚愿望是吃上薯片。

婚礼当天,这对楼长夫妻上午依旧穿着大白服装,组织核酸检测。下午在楼顶天台合了影,跳了舞。

晚上,全楼的人开始送上祝福和礼物。他们收到的礼物都很独特,比如自热米饭、挂耳咖啡、酒、水果、薯片和巧克力。

14.朱峰

药品互助群群主

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“我们不是药神”志愿者团队整理的表格 参考资料:剥洋葱people

朱峰和一群朋友拉起了一个上海药品互助微信群,群名就叫“我们不是药神”。

白天,朱峰要到处拉资源,找关系。晚上,“我们不是药神”团队需要开会、整理、复盘、分配任务。

他戏称,自己仿佛在经营一个初创公司。志愿者们说,以前创业的时候,最怕被问到商业模式,这次没有商业模式,就是服务他人。

15.李建明

视障人士

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李建明收到的大米、腊肉、鸡蛋、青菜铺满了宿舍的地板 参考资料:剥洋葱people

视障人士的生活可能成为封控时期的一个盲点,但盲人技师李建明却感受到了向他投来的注视和关心。

封控后他和几十位同事被困在狭小的宿舍里。

他们搞不定抢菜软件,面包、泡面一天天减少,4月5日后,他们只在清晨喝一碗白粥。

李建明开始求助,随后他们一天就接了近100个援助电话,收到了一堆快递。

李建明不知道是谁帮助了他,“食物已经够吃了,您把东西送给需要的人吧。”

16.别瑞 90后

母婴店店长

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别瑞在店内查找货物、核对订单 参考资料:澎湃新闻

封控时期不能让婴儿断奶,母婴商店店长别瑞成了宝妈们的生命线,甚至可能是不少人唯一的“解决方案”。

从凌晨开始,别瑞便被一通通电话轰炸,一天都像在打仗。“以前希望顾客多买一点,现在希望他们少买一点”,这样,更多人才能买到。

遇到想要高价倒卖奶粉的人,他要求对方提供相应证明,具体到社区、门牌号,证明这批奶粉是他们口中的“团购”。

17.李中州

驻店药师

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李中州在货架前根据订单拿药 参考资料:新京报

李中州3月底就开始睡在药店里了,店里外卖自动接单的提示语音就从没停过,5分钟能蹦出来几百个单子,他一个人只是在店里来回拿药就能走上两万多步。

他说,有时候患者电话打来却帮不上忙,也会有种无力感,患者的问题解决了,无力感也能减轻一些。

18.Echo夫妻 90后

阳台上种菜的小夫妻

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echo家的阳台 参考资料:文汇教育

吃剩的白菜根、香菜根,存在瓶瓶罐罐里,装上自来水,就成了高大上的“无土栽培”。

90后Echo夫妻,就这样在阳台搭起了小菜园。

盆栽蔬菜方面,他们喜欢选种生长周期20多天的小香葱、韭菜和鸡毛菜,还有一种樱桃小萝卜只需28天就能采收,收割后在厨房调配成沙拉。

5.9平方的阳台实现了蔬菜自足,他们很有成就感。

19.李娜

便利店店长

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参考资料:外滩The Bund

为了周边居民买到物资,罗森店长李娜在没有床、没有淋浴的店里独自坚守了23天,每天至少营业20小时。

有女孩一再邀请她去家里洗澡,有顾客给她送去暖宝宝,还有执法人员因为看见很多居民在囤货而多给了她一点时间才封店……

随着街道封控,李娜在贴封条的店里睡了两夜,顾客群里炸了锅,李娜被“求着”回了家。

20.Clarisse Le Guernic 26岁

志愿者

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参考资料:中新网

来自法国的26岁姑娘Clarisse Le Guernic,在上海黄浦区瑞金二路街道的一个小区里当志愿者。法语、英语、中文都说得很流利的她,成了弄堂里的“翻译”,为外国居民化解一些日常交流困惑。

“慢慢我发现,我说中文比说法语更自信,我想我可能属于这里。”

21.苏然

理发师

22.刘丽洁 60岁

上海交响乐团行政人员

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参考资料:澎湃新闻

理发师苏然为小区居民免费理发,一旁的刘丽洁用小提琴演奏着《孤勇者》。

两人同住一栋楼,正在各展所长。

小区一共7栋楼,每栋都有28层高。在高声伴奏带的伴奏下,一腔热血的《孤勇者》在小区回响,居民纷纷探出头,掏出手机,将这一幕记录了下来。

23.崔丽丽

上海财经大学讲席副教授

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崔丽丽团队的蔬菜大米预定表格 参考资料:新民晚报

专注于电子商务与数字化创新研究的崔丽丽,组建了“疫情互助买菜”微信群,成为800个“团长”的“总团长”,成功帮助95个社区进行团购。

她每天都要开两场线上会议,白天布置工作,晚上复盘,把不合适的货源全部下架,“绝不能让团长背锅。”

24.纪荣明 71岁

原第二军医大学临床解剖学教授

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纪荣明一家子为小区分猪 参考资料:侬好上海

“教书育人少人问,著作半身两袖风。一朝做得屠宰匠,猪肉几分天下知。”

小区团购到一头85公斤的整猪,71岁的解剖学教授纪荣明自告奋勇将它分成了17份。

因为家里没有磅秤,只有体重秤,所以称重的时候是儿媳站在秤上,先量个体重,然后再抱起分好的猪肉,称出总重,减去体重。儿子在一旁打下手,先用榔头敲刀背,把脊椎骨、肩胛骨等大骨头切断,然后用卷尺一寸一寸地量了猪肉的宽度。

纪荣明切肉花了一个多小时,有点累,手有点酸,腓肠肌有点疼,但是邻居们终于平分了一头整猪。

25.秦战

上海市城市规划设计院高级工程师

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参考资料:上观新闻

小区核酸怎么做、垃圾怎么丢、食品怎么买、快递怎么送、急事怎么办让城市规划师秦战头痛不已。

身为社区志愿者和40栋居民楼核酸检测的“总调度”,秦战运用规划知识,考量如何在每项具体工作中阻断病毒传播风险。

每一次集中核酸检测前后,他都会根据当下小区“阳性楼”的实际情况,优化新一轮采样的方案。秦战感叹:“搞城市规划的我,现在要规划小区5000人的核酸路线,还真不容易。”

26.李光辉

网购平台司机

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李光辉与大爷相遇的旧工厂 参考资料:极昼工作室

保供司机李光辉在上海漂泊了两三个月,唯一的居所是他的小货车。

在泊车的废旧工厂,他与一位七旬门卫大爷打上了交道。同处孤岛,他们交换热水和食物,有时还会拉拉家常,保持着紧密的联结。在不见面的日子里,两人通话问候,互成寄托。

27.冯云

云南省地方病防治所病毒科科长

28.小慧

冯云女儿

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6岁的小慧在家门前种了一颗“平安树” 参考资料:文汇教育

4月初, 从昆明启程驰援上海,是冯云的第七次“逆行”。2020年底至今,她鲜有机会与家人团聚,一家人常常通过网络“云端聚会”。

冯云生日那天,6岁的女儿小慧在家门前种了一颗“平安树”,祝“爸爸妈妈早日打败病毒‘大怪兽’,平安回家”。

29.杨冬平

30.陈小虎

公厕保洁员

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一客一洁一消杀”,是他们生活的主旋律 参考资料:上海静安

疫情下的中华新路,唯一繁忙的场所是一间公共厕所,这是保洁员杨冬平、陈小虎昼夜“驻守”两个月的地方。

白天守着公厕,晚上睡在公厕楼上的道班房,“一客一洁一消杀”,是他们生活的主旋律。他们为忙碌的外卖小哥、核酸采样医护人员和疫情防控志愿者撑起一间暖心的“便利之所”。

杨冬平和陈小虎说,只要公厕开着,他们就会继续守好这个“阵地”。

31.阿森 19岁

外卖骑手

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阿森(左三)与群里的骑手们 参考资料:每日人物

19岁外卖骑手阿森开始免费送离沪的人“回家”,把他们送往火车站。最长的一次,他骑了70公里。

他聚集了50多位愿意免费接送人们的骑手,拉起一个微信群。

一路上,阿森看到很多人拖着箱子往虹桥赶,有人四个轮子都拖坏了还在拖。

阿森收到了无数水、香烟和面包,乘客们说,是他守护了他们在上海最后的温暖。在上海度过这三个月,阿森说,除了年龄,他好像哪里都变了。

32.孙时奇 00后

保育员

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孙时奇照顾动物宝宝 参考资料:中国青年报

封控初期,孙时奇实在放不下出生不到1周的非洲狮宝宝,主动请缨返回工作岗位,选择与动物宝宝们共度这段特殊的日子。

她还开了直播带着千万网友“云养娃”,看着软萌的小动物成长,许多人焦虑的情绪得以缓解。她期待上海野生动物园早日重新开园,一直“云养娃”的粉丝们可以亲自来看看喜欢的小动物。

33.佳英(化名) 95后

江苏援沪医疗队护士

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佳英在方舱工作中 参考资料:央视新闻

她是南京医科大学第二附属医院的护士,也是此次江苏援沪医疗队的一员。

4月1日至4月15日,佳英每天都给父母打电话,告诉自己在南京工作的情况。为了增加“可信度”,她还提前查询南京的天气预报。

佳英的父母,每次通话都会告诉她,一切都好,不要担心。但其实二人已感染新冠,就隔离在女儿支援的上海浦东临港方舱医院。

34.陈龙

“明星志愿者”

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参考资料:IP SHANGHAI

作为小区志愿者,他说:平时大家关起门,隔壁邻居都不一定知道是谁。但现在,邻里之间都有一份默契,就像小时候在弄堂里一样。

他是上海封控以来较早被发现的加入志愿者行列的“明星”之一,他是演员陈龙。

35.张芝华

演员

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张芝华做志愿者时先生为她画的像 参考资料:新民周刊

张芝华是《爱情神话》里的上海姆妈,是《心居》里的苏望娣,是多部戏里令人印象深刻的配角。小区封控之后,她发现邻里间无接触式的物资互助“像演谍战戏”。

除了做志愿者,她足不出户,但有一次破例了。

“家里的狗年纪大,得过心脏病,平时必须吃药,那种药有利尿的作用,吃了就要撒尿。”

她把家里地上铺满了尿不湿,但狗狗太乖了,一直憋着,硬憋了16个小时。

“妈妈养了十几年的狗,不能死在我手里呀”,于是,一个月黑风高的夜里,她戴上帽子和手套,把狗抱到外面,看它撒完尿,又赶紧抱回了家。

丈夫看到说:“张芝华,你这是在犯罪,要抓去的……”

36.刘文辉 (化名)

上海某精神卫生中心医生

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参考资料:澎湃新闻

4月1日起,刘文辉所在的上海某精神卫生中心进入“封闭管理”,大部分医护都住在医院,睡沙发、打地铺,或者睡走廊。

精神科病房里的90个病人,不少是60岁以上的老人,大多患有精神分裂症,长期住院,最久的住了四五十年。

4月中旬,病房实行“气泡”式管理,所有人都非常听话,戴好口罩,“像小朋友一样配合,不跨过门口那条线。”

病房里,有个很会画画的老爷爷。每次刘文辉去查房,老爷爷都拉着要把画册送给他。

一些病人还会给医生写信。“虽然从精神科的角度来说,写信是疾病的表现,说明他的症状还没完全好,但信里那些话,真的很暖心。”

37.孙武 22岁

热恋中的沪漂小伙

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孙武的帐篷和自行车 参考资料:谷雨实验室-腾讯新闻

为照顾女友,孙武辞去了志愿者工作,到医院陪护。等到恋人出院,顺利回家,他却无家可归,骑着自行车在街头流浪了七天。

他睡过草丛,睡过商场过道,睡过停放电动车的车棚。某一个醒来的早晨,他甚至感到有人在往帐篷顶喷消毒液。直到5月14日凌晨,他住进了为流浪人士准备的安置点。

这期间,他每天都去见女友,他们隔着院墙一起吃饭,风雨无阻。

“你一直给我做饭,只有你一个人管我。”他对女友说。

“之前住院,也只有你一个人管我。”女友回答说。

38.丁硕徵

厚天应急救援总队副总队长

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厚天救援队在社区消杀 参考资料:澎湃新闻

丁硕徵时常会感到挫败,这个小区明明刚消杀过,第二天又出现病例了。

消杀的药箱灌满消毒水,有三四十斤,相当于部队里单兵装备的重量。消杀队员要背着它,弯腰作鞠躬状,作业全程。防护服和N95口罩不透气,整个人很快就会湿透,消杀结束,脱下防护服的第一件事就是,大口大口呼吸新鲜空气。

丁硕徵所在的组织是上海唯一的民营市级社会化应急救援队伍,3月11日起,他就带着队员在地铁站、超市、公司、小区做消杀。

在老旧社区消杀时,他遇到一位老人,牙掉了,耳朵又聋,说的本地话也难听懂。

“我能做的就是耐心听他讲话,把听懂的反馈给居委会,看他口罩都没了,给他一包口罩。”

4月12日下午2时,队友曹进胜在执行消杀和防疫物资搬运任务时突然倒地不起,没能救过来。

丁硕徵和众人商议,只能通过微信公众号发布讣告,纪念亡者——他们保障了队员零感染,却没能防住他们倒在一线。

39.鲁阳阳 95后

保供司机

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参考资料:最人物

4月9日凌晨四点,睡梦中的鲁阳阳接到一通电话,“有批奶粉的货要立刻送到上海去。”

凌晨五点半,他驱车60公里带着两千多箱奶粉,从苏州进入上海青浦区。

接着,经过五道关口,车子进入了物流仓库所在的松江区。

货到了,卸车却没能如期完成——疫情期间,仓储人员到岗困难。

为了上海宝宝的口粮,初为人父的他留在了上海过夜,在车里和衣而眠。

40.张昕

宠物医生

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张昕和同事在工作 参考资料:澎湃新闻

有次从噩梦中醒来,张昕一阵恍惚,梦见自己感染了,有人来医院打狗。

他是一家宠物医院的院长,因为放不下30多只需要照料的住院动物,和三个同事住进了医院。

三月底,一位猫主人来电,家里出现了阳性病例,害怕自己会被带走隔离,小猫刚刚从猫传染性腹膜炎康复,受不住消杀,通过朋友的介绍,联系到张昕。“她已经非常崩溃,连续打了十几个电话,每个电话都在哭。”

最开始,居委会态度强硬,不让送猫出去。协商了两天,才同意医院去接猫。

封控后,医院的车子不能出去了。有天半夜一点多,一位狗主人来电,叫闪送到医院拿了一个大航空箱,再送过来一只挺大的柴犬。

随着封控时间延长,药物和氧气渐渐短缺。时常还有宠物主打来电话,希望买药,或想把宠物寄养在医院。

张昕感到特别内疚,“毕竟只是一家宠物医院,主要以治疗患病的动物为主,已经饱和,没有余力养更多了。”

41.卢小波

42.郑计

外地人和上海人

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卢小波一家与郑计的合影,右一为郑计 参考资料:澎湃新闻

4月27日,署名“卢小波”的作者在澎湃新闻发表《寻找上海人郑计》一文,感动了无数上海市民。

文中,卢小波这样写道:

1973年夏天,爸妈带我去上海求医,就住在郑计家。对我爸妈来说,他代表着一个值得感激的上海。

分别之后,我爸与郑计还保持着书信往来。后来,我们连着搬了几次家,把地址给弄丢了。就这样,郑计遗憾地消失在时间与人海之中。

爸爸今年93岁了,眼底黄斑变性,听力丧失大半,还换了人工关节。这个状况,让他更易陷于往事之中。一提到上海,总是满脸感激:还是应该找到郑计啊,再说一声谢谢。

这段时间,一直关注上海的疫情,愿郑计一家,一切都安好。如果我们能隔着遥远的岁月,亲口对郑计说一声谢谢,那该有多高兴啊。

43.张琇文

上海长航医院肿瘤医生

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疫情期间,张琇文查看病人情况 参考资料:澎湃新闻

张琇文与另一名医生,10个护士,7个护工和20多位住院的中晚期病人,共同经历了他们的封控时期。

张琇文记得,一个生命进入倒计时的老人,与前来探望的妻子紧紧拥抱在一起。

老人只有一侧耳朵略有听力,肺部和食道的肿瘤让他呼吸和吞咽都变得十分困难。因为疫情,他和几十年没有分开过的妻子分开了。

见不到家人,他焦虑,不吃不喝,甚至有自残倾向。经过各方努力,妻子得以入院,穿着防护服来到了病床前。

“我看着他们坐在一起,没说什么话,就是流着眼泪,紧紧地抱在一起。”

那是老人生命的最后一周,那一周老人一直很安详。

张琇文见过太多的生死别离。而疫情之下,一切都更为强烈:病人比任何时候都更依恋亲情,对医生也更加依赖。

44.小施

“教科书式”的家庭防护者

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参考资料:上观新闻

丈夫发生喉咙不舒服的轻微异常,她马上让丈夫戴上N95口罩,单独住一间房,与家人保持距离,家人也全时段戴上口罩,除了吃饭和洗漱,即使是睡觉时也不摘下。

第二天,小施开始想办法采购连花清瘟胶囊、西瓜霜含片、泡腾片、酒精片等。一方面帮助丈夫缓解症状,一方面提高家人的免疫力。

丈夫抗原自测异常后,家里的防范措施随之升级:一日三餐全送到门口,送餐后必须更换口罩;用完厕所,自行对卫生间进行喷洒消毒并快速回屋,半小时内其他家人不能使用;家庭内所有空间每天都要进行消毒……

在小施“教科书式”的家庭防护下,直到丈夫核酸转阴从方舱再回到家中,包括宝宝在内的所有家人,抗原与核酸检测一直正常。

45.王燕

在方舱里上课的老师

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王燕写下的方舱建模案例 参考资料:原点original

4月10日,徐汇区向阳小学数学教师王燕,被转运至青浦区国展中心方舱。

一周的隔离生活中,她在不到一米宽的床铺上抱着电脑,为孩子们远程上课。

她还绕着数万平方米的场馆走了三四遍,用步幅丈量面积,试图从生活中寻找灵感,为学生们编写案例。

方舱人很多,喧闹声不断,她尽可能大声说话,用耳朵贴紧电脑的传声孔,来捕捉学生的回答。

上午给学生布置任务,中午给学生讲评,其他时间修改作业、备课。因为方舱内网络不稳定,朋友立即给她手机充了500元话费。

一周后的4月17日,王燕拿到了出院证明,激动地晒在朋友圈,学生、家长和同事才知道她一直在方舱。

46.林明杰

葱摄影展发起人

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葱摄影展征稿启事 参考资料:澎湃新闻

“有葱真富贵,无病即神仙”。封控的日子里,一把小葱成了稀罕物,也成为人们自嘲、自娱的创作物。

有些郁闷的林明杰,突发奇想,在朋友圈发了一个“葱荣岁月·云摄影展”的征稿启事,成就了一颗葱的高光时刻。

林明杰说:此时此刻,我要策个正经展,一定不如策个不正经展响应的人踊跃。谁不想有件快乐的事情可以一起换个心情?

果然,“男人们首次如此痴情地去拍一株不会对他抛媚眼的植物。而美女们给别的东西拍照的激情也短暂地但历史性地超过了自拍。”

葱花美,葱花香。这两个月,上海人真实感受到了小葱为生活带来的美好。

47.周馨

窗口摄影师

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参考资料:极昼工作室

窗前张望的人多了,就互为了风景。

隔离在静安某小区的拍摄工作者周馨,住在27楼,具有极佳的摄影地理优势。

她的作品里,有一对临楼的夫妻:男人是老外,女人是中国人,他们把桌椅放在阳台,常出来晒太阳、喝茶。

周馨把照片发到网上后,这对夫妻的朋友认出了他们,而这个朋友又正好是周馨朋友的朋友。

再后来,这对夫妻在阳台拍的作品也传了过来,周馨从中找到了自家的照片。

48.“瓶子菜园顾问”

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一眼望去,菜园里几百个瓶子都种着蔬菜 参考资料:澎湃新闻

宝山区杨行镇海尚明城小区居委会院子里的“瓶子菜园”,原本是2019年小区推行垃圾分类的成果。那时,废旧轮胎、饮水桶统统被捡来种菜。

这两个月,“瓶子菜园”立了大功:茄子、辣椒、黄瓜、丝瓜、番茄、洋葱、生菜、莴笋,都生长正当时。长到能采摘时,志愿者就会送去给独居、高龄老人吃,一茬摘完,再去种一茬。

封控后,菜园的松土、种苗、施肥、浇水、除草……都交给了专人来做。

这人,正是横沙岛种菜经验丰富的农人,被小区居民尊称为“菜园顾问”。他会把自家种好的秧苗拿到“瓶子菜园”来,再对居民志愿者进行种植指导。

49.CATI2、P.J、Keyso寿君超

说唱歌手

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参考资料:澎湃新闻

《先抢菜,再做核酸》,这首沪语rap一度“传疯了”。

三位上海说唱歌手本着“闲着也是闲着”的创作心态,唱响了沪上居民封控生活的主旋律。

有评论说:三位说唱歌手塑造出的艺术人格,就是从小到大常见款的上海男同学形象——路道粗、浪头大、有点不羁、脑筋活络、舌灿莲花。

“男同学A段登场时还带牢骚,最近伙食老是玉米过咸鸡,蔬菜水果不知道够不够。一天过去,循环重启。B段把春天识别野菜和奢侈品店的段子一起抛出,大家会心一笑。刚好在歌曲一半的地方,段子手正正衣襟,露出刻在骨子里的城市底色。”

50.金秋燕 00后

上海对外经贸大学学生

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金秋燕(图左)在给每一份团购商品标注房号 参考资料:中青在线

凭借在金融管理学院的背景,大三学生金秋燕很快成为小区“团长”中的“旅长”。

仅团购信息统计模式,她就前后改进了三次。引来周边很多小区的“团长”学习。

金秋燕所在的小区一共有700多户家庭,每个团购群几乎都有约200户参与。在不断改良团购模式的同时,她招募并培训了12名“团长”,一手组建了小区的“团长”团队。

51.武林帕克

城市探索爱好者

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“上海ShangHigh”与Urban Network Office织城网络合作 的“放映马拉松”活动海报 参考资料:澎湃新闻

不能出门的日子里,上海的城市探索爱好者们也并没闲着。

“上海ShangHigh”公众号的创建者武林帕克,就着手安排了不少线上放映活动。让观众了解不同时期由不同创作视角记录下的上海及中国社会、文化、生活等方面的变迁。

在连续的“放映马拉松”之后,他又设计了一场“放映+云漫步”的 “MAP WALK”, 即纪录片放映结合百度全景地图线上行走。

“利用百度地图全景模式,以及其中的‘时光机’功能,可以看到2013、2015、2017、2019年的街景风貌,也算一种穿越看历史”,他说。

52.杨耀森 95后

快递小哥

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参考资料:澎湃新闻

跑腿、采买、赠送物资……疫情以来,杨耀森自费给封闭在家的同事和附近居民采购,花费近五万元。

最累的时候,他一日送物资到138户人家。

他觉得比上班时有劲,“因为送过去之后看到的都是别人的笑脸。”

53.鲁珏 25岁

抗疫志愿者

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鲁珏(右一)在社区做抗疫志愿者 参考资料:新民晚报

鲁珏微信名叫“小黄豆”,在欧阳街道模范新村居委当志愿者,她有一项专属任务——照顾小区500余户中被确诊为阳性的高龄爷爷奶奶。

因小区疫情严重,居委工作人员全部中招,鲁珏和另外几名志愿者挑起了居委会工作大梁。此时,小区封控楼中有不少阳性高龄、独居老人,生活起居都成了问题。

鲁珏几乎都没有多考虑,她就主动接下了任务:组织楼道消杀、送快递、协助医生上门测核酸、统计配药……就这样,活泼的“小黄豆”蹦到了阳性老人中间。

54.国玮 95后

创业青年

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志愿者接待新病人,右二为国玮 参考资料:外滩TheBund

内蒙古人国玮,大学毕业后来到上海创业。确诊之前,就是小区里的志愿者。4月9日确诊后,他被带到方舱隔离,再次报名成为志愿者。

他每天要为患者送几千份盒饭,自己最后一个吃;他还要引导新患者,协助流调,安抚情绪不佳的患者,经常忙到凌晨。

“我不觉得当志愿者是件多了不起的事,做这些事是应该做的。”

55.袁佳非

在校退伍学生

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袁佳非穿着大白服做志愿者 参考资料:静安区融媒体中心

在上海行健职业学院,袁佳非与多名退伍学生组成退伍大学生抗疫分队。回到静安的居民区后,他又第一时间到社区报到,化身“大白”。

一位孕妇需要从医院回家,但120无法及时赶到,是他向居委会申请通行证主动把孕妇安全送回家;居民抗原检测异常,是他协助医生上门做核酸检测;他还背起几十斤重的喷雾器,对阳性病例居住的楼栋消杀……

56.霍胜云 43岁

便利店店员

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参考资料:澎湃新闻

在长宁区福泉路403号,一家封控期间24小时营业的便利店里,霍胜云和店员们临时承担了给大白做早餐的任务。

最多的一次,只有四个人的便利店,凑出了1000份医护早餐。

从4月1日浦西封控时起,她的手机就差点打爆了——方圆四公里,这是唯一一家营业的全家便利店。

一位两天没吃饭的姑娘,在电话里发出“快要晕倒”的求救;到处买不到奶粉的妈妈,在她店里买到了替代的婴儿水;还有每天靠她送盒饭的独居老人。

霍胜云有时忙到腰痛复发,但她依然感到庆幸,因为在路上跑的,都是“一线”的人:医护、警察、运输司机……他们跑了好远的路,才看到一盏亮着灯的小店,很多人进来就说,“终于找到吃的了,太好了!”

57.武银屏 70岁

方舱老人

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转运当天,居民为武阿姨拍摄了这样一张照片,祝福她早日康复 参考资料:新闻坊

4月26日,一段“70岁老人的方舱声音”刷屏。

这段5分钟的录音全程沪语,语调温和从容,率直乐观。

说话的阿姨叫武银屏,浦东沪东新村街道某小区居委会第二党支部书记。

作为小区第一批志愿者,她在不慎感染后,瞒着家人去了方舱。

为了避免穿帮,和孩子视频时,还赶紧把口罩往下拉。

网友给这段录音留言:上海老人是最讲究优雅和体面的,其实这就是我们真正的上海老人,能自己克服的绝不麻烦他人,哪怕是自己的儿女。

58.马胜烨

黄浦区五里桥街道海悦居民区党支部书记

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参考资料:中国青年报

马胜烨完全没想到,自己发在社区公号上的辞职文,引发了一次巨大的“海啸”。

在这篇著名的《致海悦居民》中,“奔六”的他,一一回应了封控以来居民们关心、质疑的问题,把居民区书记的“苦”一股脑儿倒了出来。

压垮他的最后一根稻草,是在连续多日满负荷工作仍得不到理解,甚至被人踢出了微信群。于是,体力和情绪都濒临崩溃的他,一字一字敲下了辞职信。

4月7日凌晨,文章发出,迅即“10万+”,网络疯转。

马胜烨一度觉得自己完了,“给街道惹了大麻烦。”

不料,一大早,街道党工委书记就赶到居民区,一句话没说,先紧紧抱住他,要他顶住。

当天,200多居民在公众号上给马书记留了言,满屏都是对他的挽留。

即使在气头上,马胜烨也没让工作受到影响。冷静过后,他坚持了下来。

59.@拉宏桑 00后

UP主楼长

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参考资料:拉宏桑/IP SHANGHAI

00后百万粉丝UP主@拉宏桑,“意外”当上了楼长。她将自己的楼长经历拍成视频发到B站获得了上千万的播放量。

视频中一个细节十分有趣,楼长拉宏桑一度对自己“年轻人”的身份不够自信,想换个更成熟稳重的微信头像融入社区。但是,在楼道群里被群友扒出自己UP主的身份后,她打消了这个念头,大大方方地以“真面目”示人。

曾经“被呵护的一代”,开始扎根社区、扎根生活。

60.华融琦

对外经贸大学学生

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一份由大学生创建的“上海医疗紧急救助”共享文档曾悄然流传。对外经济贸易大学大三学生华融琦最先产生了创建文档的想法。

此后一群年轻的志愿者加入,通过校内媒体等各种渠道扩散,为需要求助的上海老人提供帮助。

一头是云端之上素昧平生的青年学生,一头是封控在家求医问诊的上海老人。也许,被帮助的老人直到拿到药,也搞不明白共享文档是什么,也不清楚到底是谁在帮他们“打怪升级”。

61.王灿钰

方舱自治实践者

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崔丽丽团队的蔬菜大米预定表格 参考资料:极昼工作室

来到方舱的第一个晚上,眼前混乱的景象,就让身为创业公司高管的王灿钰无法忍受。

所有人都要自己抢床位,不少人慌张无措,床位没有遮挡,完全不存在隐私;除了床和被子是铺好的,其他生活用品都没有;卫生间全是蹲便,老人反映蹲不下去;四千左右的患者,工作人员不到200名……

王灿钰决定自己来。不久,他就找到了另外三位志愿者。四人一起按楼内布局,建立了一套“楼长—单元长—层长”的三级自治管理体系。

一份《11号楼自治管理运营手册》的文件就此出炉,一个起初有些乱的方舱最终通过自治变成了“临时的宾馆”。

真实故事计划Pro|当一位母亲知道孩子是跨性别后

2 June 2024 at 12:14
CDT 档案卡
标题:当一位母亲知道孩子是跨性别后
作者:林林、罗方丹
发表日期:2024.6.1
来源:微信公众号“真实故事计划Pro”
主题归类:LGBTQ
CDS收藏:话语馆
版权说明:该作品版权归原作者所有。中国数字时代仅对原作进行存档,以对抗中国的网络审查。详细版权说明

47岁这年,林林接到孩子的电话,得知自己引以为傲的女儿自我认同为男性,喜欢女性,是性少数群体中的跨性别者。

完全理解、接纳这件事,林林耗费了数年时间。这是一个渐进的过程,一度,她曾试图从自己身上找到“出错”的原因,也在痛苦、自责、怀疑、幻想中有过冷战和对抗。

8年间,她努力弥合裂隙,试图跨越父母与孩子身份的隔阂,挣脱家庭与社会的偏见,跋涉向爱与理解的终点。

01 消失的“女儿”

一个夏天的中午,电话那头传来孩子歇斯底里的哭声。我被吓了一跳,紧张起来,问孩子,发生了什么?

在这通电话响起前,孩子生命中的前22年,我很少看他哭过(此处的“他”是林林在得知孩子为跨性别后,对其的代称)。就连小时候做错了事用力打他的小手心时,他也可以一边掰着自己的手指一边摊开手,跟我笑着说,不疼。

他从小到大都特别喜欢笑,是那种在浴室里洗澡都会传出歌声的孩子。他喜欢看湖南卫视的综艺节目《快乐大本营》。高考前,就算是学习最紧张的周末,回到家的他一个人坐在电视机前,也可以看得哈哈大笑,毫无顾忌的笑声经常从客厅传进卧室和书房。

那时候,我还把他当女孩,尽管他已剪了短发,穿着中性的运动裤和T恤。对他当时的穿衣风格和微胖身材,我毫不在意,甚至心里有些隐隐庆幸:我觉得这种中性风格不太引起男生的注意,对正在读高中的女孩而言,恰好是一种保护色,可以集中精力学习。因为我小时候也是这样,像个男孩,后来工作了,自然就变成了“淑女”。因此我觉得到了一定年龄,眼前这个短发女孩自然就也会改变,“女人味”也会随着年龄的增长慢慢觉醒。

“我害怕说了以后,你和爸爸就不要我了!”这是孩子那天对我说的第一句话。

那是2016年,在电话里,正读大三的孩子向我坦白说,他是一个跨性别者:“是一个男孩子的灵魂,错装进了一个女孩子的身体。”他说他喜欢女生。我这才知道,那个高中三年和他形影不离、每个周末都会到我们家来住的大眼睛女孩,就是他的第一任女友。我曾一直以为那个女孩是他的好闺蜜。

他告诉我,后来他又交往了几个女孩,恋情总是曲曲折折分分合合。半年前,他交往了一个新的女友,两人因为性格原因准备分手。但那个女孩威胁他说,要帮他跟我“坦白”身份。情急之下,孩子决定自己告诉我这一切。

我的内心开始翻江倒海。

我1970年生,是职业媒体人,做过电视台记者。1994年,我生下我的孩子,当接生的医生报喜说是一个女孩时,陪在一旁的奶奶掩饰不住地大喜过望,因为前面她已经抱了三个孙子了。

当看到这个几分钟以前还在我肚子里的小生命,肉嘟嘟粉墩墩地睡在我身旁时,我感怀生命的神奇,脱口而出,欢喜地对着他叫了一声“妹妹”。

他的生理性别就在出生这一刻被定义为女性。

跨性别是性少数人群中的一种。对于性少数相关知识,出于媒体人的职业属性,此前我也有些了解。在看过为数不多的相关文学和电影作品里,这一群体总是被异化和妖魔化的,被标注着“不大众” “不正常”和“变态”的标签,总是和诸多贬义词相关联。

我一度认为自己是个开放包容的人,大千世界无奇不有,“存在即合理。”但我也以为,这一群体距离我是很遥远的。作为旁观者的我,只是听过、看过,未曾想过这个词会出现在自己生活里。

现在想来,我庆幸当时的我没有失去理性。内心还在波涛汹涌的我,第一个反应是马上安慰他:“没关系孩子,即使全世界都看不起你,爸爸妈妈都永远在你身后和你一起,做你坚强的后盾。”

然而,知易行难,要做到却并不容易。那通电话后有半个多月时间,我照常上班,拼命工作,用工作麻醉自己,但一有空闲我就会胡思乱想。

孩子的成长过程像电影一样一遍遍回放。我不停自责从小到大没有给孩子撒娇的机会,自责自己因为工作忙,长期缺位孩子的成长,自责孩子今天这样,全是自己的严厉、自私和不负责任造成的。

我想到孩子小时候,常去家楼下的一家理发店玩。有一天,几岁的他看见店里师傅给顾客做按摩,聪明的他在一旁很快看会了。回家后,他跑过来像模像样地给我做起按摩。说实话,小小的他手法非常好,穴位也很准。虽然我很惊讶也很舒服,却没有表扬他一句,甚至没有跟他说一句“谢谢”。

我又想到每次孩子遇到不懂的题来问我,我极不耐烦山呼海啸的样子。有时候因为讲了很多遍他都不懂,我会大声尖叫,说他笨,甚至给他几巴掌。我至今还记得只要我一举手,孩子就全身发抖……每当想到这些,我都恨不得给自己一个大嘴巴子。

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图 | 2019年,林林在云南

其实,孩子小时候特别漂亮,满头自然卷的头发,眼睛又大又圆,黑眼仁儿特别多,非常像国际童星秀兰·邓波尔。无论孩子走到哪里,都有小女生尖叫着过来想拥抱。我朋友给孩子拍的照片,还上了香港的一本摄影杂志,并获了奖。孩子是那种标准的“小美女”。

但我想,是我异常严厉又缺乏温情和陪伴的教育,让孩子的外貌在上小学二年级时发生了很大变化,原来那个精灵般漂亮自信、气质出众的小模特儿,不知啥时候变成了一个眼光怯怯、极不自信、处处讨好、不再闪亮的小孩儿。

孩子的成长画面,一帧帧一幅幅在心里反复刺痛着我。那通电话后的半个月时间,表面坚强的我在人前没有一点异样。但是一个人开车时,我经常会很恍惚,眼泪不自觉地往下流,打湿方向盘。

02 无法替代的痛苦

最开始,我急于想纠正孩子的自我性别认同。于是,我就跟他分析他今天这个样子,是我从小把他当男孩养,从没有让他在我面前撒过娇,对他陪伴太少造成的。我还跟他说,你不喜欢男生,可能是没有遇到对的那个男孩。

孩子不同意我的理论。他告诉我,他是天生的,与我无关。为了纠正我的看法,他把计算机之父图灵的传记电影《模仿游戏》发给我看,还推给我各种科普链接,让我了解跨性别和同性恋的区别。

后来我转变策略,尝试建议他穿一些色彩鲜艳的衣服,还跟他商量能不能试着和男孩交往,说“你万一遇到那个对的人呢?”他都答应,也努力去做,但最后都以失败告终。

有一段时间,我们完全不在一个频道,我们都只说自己想告诉对方的话,都只接受自己认为正确的东西。

在这种情况下,冷战和对抗就会发生,甚至还会有一些口角。但每次我都会及时打住。因为那段时间的他敏感、暴躁又脆弱,我非常害怕过度刺激到他,担心无人理解的孤独和绝望把他逼进死角做傻事。

那段时间,我就在接纳他和改变他之间进进退退。

2017年,孩子在去云南支教期间,对自己的身份认同产生了严重的认知障碍。每天早晨醒来,他都不知道自己是谁,不知道自己到底是一个男生还是女生。他每天都要问自己无数遍我是谁,我从哪里来,要到哪里去?他不知道为什么自己被生成这样,不知道自己做错了什么,老天要这样惩罚自己,他找不到答案。

失眠、抑郁、自我攻击,每天都在他的身上重复发生。他认为自己永远不可能像同龄人一样正常谈恋爱结婚生子,觉得自己会一辈子孤独,而且一定会孤独终老。在漫长的黑夜里,他看不见未来的出口在哪里,也找不到生命、生存和奋斗的意义。

那一段时间,他时常跟我聊天,出现最多的话是“不想活了”。所以我经常会陪他聊到凌晨两三点。

有一次他问我:“妈妈,你为什么不经过我的同意就把我生下来?”我无言以对。

每天听着他对自己的尖锐质疑和否定,感受着他内心的分裂和拧巴,我强烈链接到他的痛苦。我尝试开导他。我跟他讲有些人生下来就是残疾,讲有人从小就失去父母至亲,讲那些年纪轻轻就得了大病的人,告诉他这个世界上,其实有很多更不幸的人。

可是他说:妈妈,我的痛苦和他们不一样。你说的那些东西,和我没有可比性。

我非常难受。因为,我感觉到他的痛苦,却无法替代他去痛苦。我只能站在我的角度去自说自话地安抚,却发现我终究不能完全设身处地去共情他。我只知道站在大人的角度,以一个“很健康的人”的姿态去无力说教。

每当到这时,孩子就会说,妈妈不要说了,你快去睡吧。我不放心他,想要尽量陪着他,即使已经疲倦至极,仍会继续说。有时我会跟他聊到凌晨三四点,第二天早晨7点再起来上班。

当时我特别害怕他去干傻事。孩子看出我的担心后跟我说:“妈妈,我虽然说真的很难受,我是找不到生活的意义,我是很不想活了。但是请你放心,只要有你和爸爸在一天,我就不会轻生。即使我要离开这个世界,也会等到你们不在的时候。”

孩子反过来安慰我的话,却让我的呼吸都在痛。

03 向着理解跋涉

庆幸的是,我有一个非常智慧豁达的婆婆,在我迷茫时第一时间给我提供了支持。

那一段时间,因为孩子出现的严重自我认知障碍,产生厌世的想法,我一个人实在绷不住了,就去婆婆家寻求亲人的支持。

婆婆耐心地听完我的哭诉后,笑着安慰我说,不要着急,没关系的。她说孩子现在年龄也不大,他可能没有遇到对的人,那你多和他说一说,多等一段时间,或许他就会改变想法。即使改不过来,我们周围也看到有同性恋,这也不是好大的事情,最多不结婚,现在不结婚的年轻人多的是。

我知道她说这段话时,其实也抱有幻想——她觉得孩子不可能永远是这个样子。但她的反应依旧给了我很大的支撑。婆婆这一生经历过很多大风大浪,但她依然善良、乐观,依然相信人性的美好。她总是从容淡定,生活给她什么,她就接受什么,在我心中,她一直是个活得特别通透的人。

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图 | 婆婆家的君子兰

那天除了婆婆外,我老公的两个姐姐正好也在,我平时和她们的关系也很好,就也同时跟她们讲了孩子的事情。两个姐姐是乐天派的性格,她们的态度比婆婆更开放、宽容、接纳。三个女性的开放和包容,一起成为了我的坚强支撑。后来她们三个人也陪着我一起跟老公讲述孩子的事情,一起安抚老公反应强烈的情绪。

我跟老公说孩子是跨性别喜欢女生,是几个月以后的事情了。那天回婆婆家吃饭,前一分钟还兴高采烈的他,听完这句话,整个人都被定格在了那里,笑容从此凝固。

我的老公平时是一个非常乐观幽默的人,是朋友中的开心果、话题的引领者。他是个天生的段子手,再平淡的事情到他嘴里,都会变得很搞笑,所以大家都喜欢跟他在一起。

在他的眼中,孩子一直是他的骄傲:小时候很乖很漂亮,人见人爱;长大以后成绩优异,从高中到大学再到出国留学都是妥妥的学霸,再加上又孝顺又懂事,朋友们都羡慕他有一个如此优秀又乖巧的好女儿。

那天回到家后,总是快乐的他一个人坐在沙发里哭了。他哭着说,自己做不成外公了。他担心男孩和女孩生理上差距很大,在这个世界上,如果以后孩子遇到坏人,他怎么去保护自己?孩子说他想保护自己喜欢的女生。可是他自己被欺负了,怎么办?以后孩子老了,又怎么办?他还担心自己那些哥们儿会怎么看?他说想不通老天为什么如此不公?自己的命为什么如此不好?他开始失眠,从此没有了笑容。

婆婆和姐姐加入了转化工作。婆婆说同性恋怎样,异性恋又怎样?现在的年轻人不谈恋爱不结婚的多了去,就是结婚了离婚的、不生小孩的也多了去。再说,异性恋也没有谁保证就能走到最后,孩子愿意怎样过就怎样过,只要她开心就好。

姐姐也说,现在是个多元包容的社会,尤其是年轻人普遍都接受,没有你想象的那么糟糕。虽然孩子不是同性恋而是跨性别,但他的状况对于家人们来说比较复杂。我能感觉到,亲友们在以理解同性恋的视角去理解孩子,用自己的方式表达支持与接纳。

老公还是想不通。2019年11月,因为长期的焦虑和压抑,老公的糖尿病六种并发症集中爆发,高血压、脑梗、眼底出血黄斑水肿,严重腹泻大小便失禁,静脉曲张小腿溃烂,还同时并发了老年痴呆。最严重的时候,他不知道今天是哪一年,不知道几月几号星期几,甚至连自己的鞋带都不会系。

在他视力最差的时候,早上起来看到的视像就像黄昏一般,晚上更没有一点光感,眼前几乎一片漆黑,走路如果没人搀扶就会摔跤。视力和记忆力的严重衰退让他自卑,进而重度抑郁。住院期间,他甚至当着我的面,和孩子讨论用什么方式自杀没有痛苦。那段时间,我如果有几分钟没有看到他,我就会产生可能永远看不到他的剧烈恐惧。

后来的两年中,他的眼睛做了四次激光手术,四次住院治疗黄斑水肿,不定期去华西医院看专家门诊,坚持锻炼。我也用冥想、旅游等各种方法辅助他的治疗。

image
图 | 旅行期间,林林看见云南勐焕大金塔内的一棵菩提树

非常幸运的是,在坚持治疗两年后,他的一切都逐渐变好,血糖稳定,血压正常,脑梗没有再复发,眼睛的黄斑水肿吸收很好,视力也从 0.01恢复到裸眼视力0.4、0.5,肠胃功能基本恢复正常,很少发生腹泻,就连小腿上那些溃烂的肌肉,也全部长出了新的皮肤。让医生都觉得不可思议的是,他的老年痴呆也逆转了,现在又可以做饭做菜了。

身体康复后,老公也开始慢慢地放下执念。他说,现在自己的身体这样,已经自顾不暇,他不想再去管那么多了。

04 爱出者爱返

在孩子出现严重自我攻击和厌世情绪的时候,我和他决定去寻求专业的帮助。我带他挂了一家大医院的心理科专家号。

那天,专家咨询前,通过抽血对孩子进行了基因检测,结果显示和正常人无异。孩子又以问卷的形式接受了一个小时的心理测试,结果显示,他已经有自我攻击和轻微的暴力倾向。接下来,孩子跟着专家进入心理治疗室咨询。

让我没有想到的是,出来时医生一脸迷茫,给不出有价值的建议。原来,这个医生对跨性别相关知识知之甚少,第一次心理咨询以无果告终。

经过这次,我和孩子得出了一致的结论——如果我们面对的心理医生不具备相关常识,反而可能让孩子的心理问题更加严重,无法为我们带来帮助。在探索后,我们决定放弃心理咨询这条路。

为了理解和支持孩子,我花了两个月时间,集中精力自己恶补相关知识。我发现网上的信息真真假假,其中有很多“伪科学”。我会反复对照、甄别,判断哪些是真正的科学结论,哪些是“伪知识”,尽量给自己建立客观、中立不带偏见的认知。

通过学习和了解,我开始慢慢放下心中的执念,接受孩子的现状。

因为孩子是跨性别,他的生理性别和自己的心理认同性别,会产生不一致的冲突,所以,他有做变性手术做回真正自己的想法。2017 年夏天孩子去云南支教前,我陪着孩子去了一趟上海,向当时国内著名变性手术专家赵烨德博士专程咨询性别重置手术。

印象深刻的是,赵博士给了我三点建议:第一,他告诉我不要再自责。孩子是天生的,与你无关;第二,他说孩子没有病,该看病的其实是家长;第三,是他对我和孩子间那种融洽的关系和我的接纳表示肯定。

他告诉我,在他见过的那么多陪跨性别孩子来咨询的家长中,我与孩子的融洽程度,是非常少见的。此前到来的那些家长,不是哭哭啼啼,就是抑郁狂躁,和孩子的关系剑拔弩张、紧张对立。甚至,有父母威胁孩子要断绝关系,以死相逼。所以他当时说很高兴能看到,有家长是我这样的状态。

从上海回来后,我对孩子性别认同的理解和接纳更清晰了。

有一句话,“万法皆空,因果不空”。对于性少数的成因,虽然大多数研究都支持先天说,但也有一些研究表明是先天和后天共同作用的结果,我个人倾向于认同后者。我认为,孩子现在的状况一定有我自己的原因,那么我就得承担这个果。我不能逃避、不能抱怨、不能把责任推给任何人,因为“因”是自己种下的,孩子也是自己生的。想通了这点,我与自己达成了初步的和解。

我真正完全接纳孩子,是在2021年,孩子向我坦白的五年后。

在2016 年接到那通电话后,很长一段时间,我感觉自己心里仍然抱有幻想。那是一种侥幸心理:万一他只是没有遇到那个对的人呢?我隐隐希望,他哪一天遇到一个心仪的男生,从而转变认同。

这个幻想一直持续到2021 年。五年过去,面对孩子努力了也改不过来的现实,我终于放下所有幻想和假设。

就当自己生了一个儿子,也挺好的——当我这样想的时候,我发现自己没有什么纠结了,全然悦纳就在那一刻发生。孩子得知我这个想法后也很高兴,后来他接受媒体采访时也用了这个标题:“妈妈说,我就当自己生了一个儿子”。

在苦思冥想怎么才能走出来的那段日子,“爱出者爱返”几个字反复出现在我的脑海中,就像老天给我的答案,我豁然开朗。是的,爱出者爱返,只有爱,无条件的爱,才能打开所有心结,只有爱是打开未来的唯一钥匙。

image
图 | 2022年,林林在贵州天鹅堡

现在,孩子在国内一家大厂工作,勤奋努力、吃苦耐劳,很受器重。他也有一个固定交往了两年的女朋友,感情稳定。他说,他现在不再焦虑未来了:因为未来还没有来,更重要的是活在当下,过好今天的日子,这样未来才有更好的可能。

老公现在也不多想了,他又能享受孩子的优秀带给他的骄傲和自豪了。他偶尔还是会有担心,但是已经无大碍了。节假日或者周末,孩子会带着他女朋友回到家里来,他也没有异议。一家人在一起非常自然、和谐地相处,其乐融融。

我现在成为了一名为性少数群体家庭服务的家长志愿者,还在听书平台上开了一档关注这个群体的播客节目。在节目中,我邀请这些孩子和父母们作为嘉宾接受访谈,希望通过故事破除误解,传播爱与包容。我想努力活出自己的精彩,给儿子做一个热爱生活、终身学习的好榜样。我想这种正向的力量,也会带给他更好的人生。

人们都说父母的爱,是这个世界上最无私的爱,但究竟怎样才是无私?这是我们为人父母一生的课题。如果某天醒来,我们发现自己引以为傲的孩子是性少数,我们是勇敢地拥抱、接纳孩子,让爱更加强大,还是嫌弃地拒绝、推开孩子,让爱不再纯粹?

最近我听到了一位孩子家长的分享,非常赞同。她说,大部分父母不接纳性少数的孩子,是因为价值排序的问题:如果家长把自己放在第一位,你就要去想你的面子,想外界怎么看,我会受到什么影响,你就很难接受。但如果你把孩子放在第一顺位,把“我执”放下,就会发现,什么都是浮云了。

所以,我的答案是,既然爱孩子就无条件去爱,既爱他的优秀,也接纳他的不完美;既接受他与别的孩子相同的,也接纳他的与众不同。在对孩子无条件的爱面前,我只要孩子健康平安、快乐做他自己就好。

所以,我跟孩子说:“我和爸爸是永远站在你身后的那个人。即使全世界都抛弃你,不要你,你要永远记得爸爸妈妈都在你身后。”我想,这样的爱才是放下了执念的,有力量的爱。

*应讲述者要求,文中人物信息有模糊

– END –

In Singapore, China Warns U.S. While Zelensky Seeks Support

The annual Shangri-La Dialogue became a stage for competing demands on U.S. global power, including the war in Ukraine and tensions over Taiwan.

© Nhac Nguyen/Agence France-Presse — Getty Images

China’s minister of defense, Adm. Dong Jun, spoke against American support for Taiwan during the Shangri-La Dialogue summit in Singapore on Sunday.

Recording of legendary Stone Roses gig revealed

2 June 2024 at 10:18
The Stone Roses on stage at Spike IslandImage source, 80s Casuals/Mead
Image caption,

Unseen footage and photos of the seminal gig will be used in a new documentary and book

Ian Youngs
Culture reporter
  • Published

It has gone down in history as one of the legendary gigs in British music history. But the Stone Roses' full performance at Spike Island in 1990 wasn't thought to have been captured on film.

However, a video recording of the entire concert, which took place in front of 28,000 fans in Cheshire, has now come to light - shot by a crew member who then stored the tape in a box for years.

Martin Cornell's three hours of footage - which also includes the preparations and soundcheck - is now set to be used in a documentary showing the event in all its glory for the first time.

It should also settle a long-running debate about whether the gig was the heady high point of a glorious musical era, or a disappointing night with dodgy sound.

Stone Roses singer Ian Brown at the Spike Island press conferenceImage source, 80s Casuals/Mead
Image caption,

There is unheard audio of the band's confrontational pre-show press conference

The outdoor show, which took place on the site of a disused chemical plant, was supposed to have been filmed professionally - but that fell through at the last minute in a dispute over fees.

Mr Cornell was part of the crew who built the stage and wasn't working on the day of the gig, so decided to go along with his video camera.

His boss let him film from the scaffolding tower in the middle of the crowd. There had been health and safety concerns from local authorities, and his boss thought the footage could be useful to prove there were no problems.

"I didn't know that they’d pulled their cameras. I didn't know that they weren't videoing it," Mr Cornell told BBC News.

"I was just there as an independent, working for my boss, basically, on a health and safety tip on my day off, and I had a camera. Nobody else did."

Spike Island stage and crowdImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

The footage was filmed from the scaffolding tower in the middle of the crowd

He captured the seminal Manchester band in their heyday - albeit slightly out of focus at times.

"I watch it occasionally and go, 'Yeah, it's good'," Mr Cornell added. "I’m not proud of the focusing on several occasions. But it can be cleaned up, probably, quite nicely."

After the gig, he packed the tape away and forgot about it.

"I tucked it away with all my home videos and stuff like that. It went into a box. It got put away - not for future reference, it just got put away, as you do.

"I came across it again probably 10 years later and thought, oh that’s quite interesting. I’ll see if I can take this somewhere."

He mentioned the footage on Stone Roses message boards, but says he got dismissed by fans who didn't believe him.

"I was totally derided by the community. And that's when I kind of lost interest."

A crowd member has passed out and is being lifted by other fansImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

About 28,000 fans paid £14 each for the tickets

However, his brother David then gave fans the first taste of the footage when he put some short clips on YouTube, external about 15 years ago. The pair also offered it to the band, but says the group weren't interested in releasing it.

"We weren't in it for monetisation or to make a buck," Martin Cornell said. "We were doing it because it’s there. Let it out and let people see it. We couldn't do it ourselves."

Film-maker Shane Meadows included 10 minutes as a DVD extra with his 2013 documentary about the band, billing that as "the only remaining footage" of the gig.

However, there is much more.

Freelance journalist Matt Mead, who runs a social media account dedicated to Stone Roses drummer Reni, external, got in touch with Mr Cornell and is now helping to put together the documentary, using the footage alongside other material such as interviews, 300 unseen photos, and unheard audio of the band's pre-show press conference.

He couldn't get a ticket to the gig, and said he has spent the subsequent 34 years "trying to desperately relive that moment, even though it's gone and it will never happen again".

"I think with this footage, something incredible can happen and I think it will help people to relive that momentous day," he said.

"There was no band like them out there. They were one of a kind. That's what people want to experience again – they want to experience that incredible year of 1990 and the amazing band that the Stone Roses were."

Gatecrashers jump over the remains of the fence, with wateland and an industrial plant in the backgroundImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

Some gatecrashers came over nearby wasteland and over the fence

Director and producer Paul Crompton is also on board. He did get a ticket for the gig.

"Everyone was talking about it before it happened, as well as everyone talking about it after it happened," he recalled.

"So everyone just felt like they had to be there. It was a really hot day and there was a big sea of people with Reni hats on. And there were so many people clambering over the fence.

"It was just a really good day. It sort of cemented the whole Manchester music thing. It was very symbolic, I think, in that respect."

No indie band had staged a gig on that scale, and the organisation didn't all go smoothly.

"I like the fact that it captured the spirit of Manchester more than just the spirit of the Stone Roses," Mr Crompton said.

"It captured the spirit of the whole Manchester period, you know? An element of chaos and being shambolic, but we're going to have a good time."

AI enhancement

The documentary project is still unfunded and at an early stage, but Mr Crompton hopes to use new technology, like that used for recent Beatles series Get Back, to enhance the original footage.

"It's not professional 30mm film. It's not HD. Again, it captures the spirit of it.

"But he’s filmed all the key events – the whole gig, the soundcheck, the stage construction, the fans, all the queues and all that. He’s done a really good job of filming everything that you need to capture an event.

"There are things you can do now with AI and the latest tech that improve things in a really fascinating way. So that's what I want to do as soon as I can."

He also hopes to get the band on board, and has put out feelers.

A spokesperson for the band declined to comment to BBC News.

Meanwhile, the photos of the day will be published by Mr Mead and Dave Hewitson of 80s Casuals in a book titled Spike Island Unseen.

Related Topics

Israeli ministers threaten to quit over ceasefire plan

2 June 2024 at 09:13
Itamar Ben-Gvir (left) and Bezalel Smotrich. File photoImage source, EPA-EFE/REX/Shutterstock
Image caption,

Itamar Ben-Gvir (left) and Bezalel Smotrich reject the US-backed ceasefire deal

Jaroslav Lukiv
BBC News
Reporting from
London
  • Published

Two far-right Israeli ministers have threatened to quit and collapse the governing coalition if Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu agrees to a Gaza ceasefire proposal unveiled by US President Joe Biden on Friday.

Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich and National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir said they were opposed to striking any deal before Hamas was destroyed.

But opposition leader Yair Lapid pledged to back the government if Mr Netanyahu supported the plan.

The prime minister himself insisted there would be no permanent truce until Hamas's military and governing capabilities were destroyed and all hostages released.

Mr Biden's three-part proposal would begin with a six-week ceasefire in which the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) would withdraw from populated areas of Gaza. The deal would eventually lead to the release of all hostages, a permanent "cessation of hostilities" and a major reconstruction plan for Gaza.

But in a post on social media on Saturday, Mr Smotrich said he told Mr Netanyahu he would "not be part of a government that agrees to the proposed outline and ends the war without destroying Hamas and bringing back all the hostages".

Echoing his words, Mr Ben-Gvir said "the deal.. means the end of the war and the abandonment of the goal to destroy Hamas. This is a reckless deal, which constitutes a victory for terrorism and a security threat to the State of Israel".

He vowed to "dissolve the government" rather than agree to the proposal.

Mr Netanyahu's right-wing coalition holds a slim majority in parliament, relying on a host of factions, including Mr Ben-Gvir's Otzma Yehudit (Jewish Power) party - who hold six seats - and Mr Smotrich's Religious Zionism party - who hold seven seats - to maintain power.

But Yair Lapid, one of Israel's most influential opposition politicians, was quick to offer his backing to the embattled prime minister. His Yesh Atid (There is a future) party hold 24 seats.

He said Mr Netanyahu "has our safety net for a hostage deal if Ben-Gvir and Smotrich leave the government".

The row came as tens of thousands of people rallied in Tel Aviv, calling on the Israeli government to accept Mr Biden's proposed plan. They also demanded Mr Netanyahu's resignation. Scuffles broke out between protesters and police, and some demonstrators were reportedly detained.

In a joint statement on Saturday, mediators from Egypt, Qatar and the US urged both Israel and Hamas to "finalise" Mr Biden's proposed deal.

Officials said that "as mediators in the ongoing discussions to secure a ceasefire in Gaza and the release of hostages and detainees", they "call on both Hamas and Israel to finalise the agreement embodying the principles outlined by President Joe Biden".

UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak also offered his backing to the plan, telling reporters that his government could "flood Gaza with far more aid" if Hamas accepts the ceasefire plan.

Earlier, a senior Hamas politician told the BBC it "will go for this deal" if Israel does.

But in a statement on Saturday, Mr Netanyahu's office said Israel's "conditions for ending the war have not changed".

It listed these as "the destruction of Hamas military and governing capabilities, the freeing of all hostages and ensuring that Gaza no longer poses a threat to Israel".

The statement added Israel would "continue to insist these conditions are met" before agreeing to a permanent ceasefire.

Smoke billows following Israeli bombardment as displaced Palestinians move in Rafah, southern Gaza. Photo: 31 May 2024Image source, AFP via Getty Images
Image caption,

Fighting continues in Rafah, where many Palestinians from all over Gaza Strip have sought refuge

Elsewhere, fighting continued in Rafah on Saturday, with reports of Israeli air strikes on Gaza's southern city on Egypt's border.

Shelling and gunfire were also reported in Gaza City, in the north of the Palestinian territory.

More than 36,000 people have been killed in Gaza since the start of the conflict, according to the Hamas-run health ministry.

The war began on 7 October 2023 when Hamas gunmen launched an unprecedented attack on Israel, killing about 1,200 people and taking 252 back to Gaza as hostages.

Shops rush for Christmas stock as shipping costs surge

2 June 2024 at 08:45
Child opens Christmas presentsImage source, Getty Images
Deborah Weitzmann
Business reporter
  • Published

European retailers are rushing to place their Christmas orders early as soaring shipping costs and trade route disruption threaten holiday deliveries, experts say.

For the last few months, vessels belonging to Western firms have been attacked in the Red Sea by Houthi rebels backing Hamas in its war with Israel, driving shipping prices up.

Container prices, which peaked in January and briefly declined, have rebounded sharply in recent weeks.

One business told the BBC that increased costs were likely to feed through to the price of big-ticket items such as white goods.

Nick Glynn, boss of the Buy It Direct group, owns several online retailers including Appliances Direct and Laptops Direct, which are having to plan and book well in advance to make sure their shipments arrive on time.

Because they are planning ahead, he said he didn't think Black Friday and Christmas stock would be affected.

But he said: "It impacts cash and warehouse space as suddenly you have to store the goods for longer. You can't risk ordering later."

Mr Glynn explained that the spot rate - the current price for immediate delivery of goods - has dramatically increased in recent weeks from $4,500 to $7,500 (£3,500 to £5,900).

"This makes a massive impact on big bulky items, especially those that have low margins such as furniture, barbecues, and kitchen appliances," he said.

There was "no way" most online retailers could absorb those price increases on big-ticket items, he said.

"So unfortunately for consumers, the next few months will see significant rises on these big-ticket items," he added.

Pandemic lessons

Disruptions caused by Yemen's Houthi movement have limited the global supply of shipping space and containers.

The Houthi rebels have already launched attacks on more than 50 ships in the Red Sea and the Gulf of Aden.

Container ship being loaded in port, UKImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

Global shipping routes have been disrupted by the attacks on vessels in the Red Sea

Shipping costs have soared as a result. The average cost of shipping a 40ft container now exceeds $4,000, a 140% increase from 2023, according to freight market tracker Xeneta.

Peter Sand, Xeneta's chief analyst, said that importers have learned many lessons from the pandemic including that "the most straightforward way to protect supply chains is to ship as many of your goods as you can as quickly as possible".

"That is what we are seeing with some businesses telling us they are already shipping cargo for the Christmas period - in May," he said.

Typically, retailers start importing goods for the November Black Friday sales and Christmas shopping season between late summer and autumn.

Sue Terpilowski, from the Chartered Institute of Logistics and Transport, agreed, saying companies are realising that disruption to the Red Sea route caused by Houthi attacks could last until the autumn.

"To avoid headlines 'Christmas is cancelled, there's nothing in the shops', people are now actually bringing forward their shipments," she said. "So they'll be here in good time allowing any eventualities that might happen while they are at sea."

Diversions

The attacks on ships have forced owners of vessels travelling between Asia and Europe to take a longer route around Africa, and so ships are starting their journeys earlier to allow for the extra time needed for the diversion.

"The effects of the diversions from the Red Sea that started last December are only now becoming apparent, with vessels on the Asia-Europe trade needing more than 100 days on a rotation by circumventing Africa," said Dominique Nadelhofer, from Kuehne + Nagel, a major sea logistics firm.

He added that the rotation of container equipment has also been disrupted, and said only around 50% of global container shipping is currently completed on time.

As well as concerns about potential future Houthi attacks, there are also growing fears that as naval forces focus on countering the Houthi rebels, the resulting reduction in maritime patrols elsewhere may provide Somali pirates with opportunities to increase their activities.

What do candidate selections tell us about Starmer's Labour?

2 June 2024 at 08:22
Georgia GouldImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

Georgia Gould is a councillor in Sir Keir Starmer's constituency

Paul Seddon & Becky Morton
Political reporters
  • Published

Sir Keir Starmer has been accused of freezing out left-wingers and promoting his supporters, as Labour heads into the general election.

The party now has a full slate of candidates in place after scrambling to fill vacancies following the surprise announcement that the election is taking place on 4 July.

The process has been dominated by a bitter row over whether veteran MP Diane Abbott, an ally of former leader Jeremy Corbyn, will be allowed to stand.

At the same time, the party has been accused of "parachuting" Starmerite candidates into seats over the wishes of local Labour members.

The full list of candidates will now have to be endorsed at a meeting of the national executive committee (NEC), the party's ruling body, on Tuesday.

But has Sir Keir really banished the left - and what do the selections tell us about what the party would look like in Parliament if it wins power?

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The Labour leader cannot hire and fire candidates at will – but he does have a lot of power over the kind of people that get chosen.

The vast majority of the party's election candidates were already in place before the election was called, selected by local branches from centrally-approved longlists.

But the short time before polling day on 4 July has reduced the role of local members, with the national party following an accelerated process to fill target seats, or where MPs are standing down or suspended.

In this case it is a panel of NEC members - a committee dominated by Starmer supporters - who review applications and choose the party's candidate.

Rise of the Starmerites

The roll call of new faces contains potential clues as to what a Starmer government would look like if the Labour leader enters the doors of Downing Street in five weeks' time.

Candidates close to the Labour leadership include Heather Iqbal, a former adviser to Shadow Chancellor Rachel Reeves, and Chris Ward, Sir Keir's former deputy chief of staff.

Mr Ward has been chosen to fight Brighton Kemptown, the seat which was held by Lloyd Russell-Moyle.

The left-winger says he has been made a "sacrificial lamb" after he was suspended by the party this week over a complaint about his behaviour, which he said was "vexatious and politically motivated".

In Chingford and Woodford Green another figure on the left of the party - Faiza Shaheen - was blocked from standing and replaced with a Starmer supporter.

Shama Tatler, a councillor in Brent, is co-chair of the Labour To Win group, which was launched to support Sir Keir's leadership after his election.

Faiza ShaheenImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

Faiza Shaheen stood as a Labour candidate in 2019

Perhaps the most politically on-brand selection is Georgia Gould, the leader of Sir Keir's local Camden council and daughter of Blair-era strategist Lord Philip Gould.

As head of the north London authority, she has championed the "mission-driven" approach to governing, with teams organised around broad long-term goals, which Sir Keir has put at the heart of his plan for power.

Policy experts from Starmer-friendly think tank Labour Together are also on the list.

These include Josh Simons, who resigned as a party policy adviser after seven months under Mr Corbyn's tenure and is now its candidate in the safe seat of Makerfield.

Long-regarded as a sounding board for the Starmerite wing of the party, Labour Together has donated staff to several shadow cabinet ministers and is expected to be influential in shaping the party's manifesto.

Another candidate from the think tank world is Torsten Bell, the director of the Resolution Foundation, which has a focus on low pay.

Torsten BellImage source, PA Media
Image caption,

Torsten Bell is director of the Resolution Foundation

One other eye-catching feature of recent selections is those who have a military background, perhaps reflecting Sir Keir's focus on the importance of national security.

These include former Royal Marine Colonel Alistair Carns and RAF pilot Calvin Bailey.

The installation of pro-Starmer candidates - and the blocking of some left-wingers - has led to accusations of a last-minute "purge" before the election.

But the Starmification of the Labour machine has been going on under the radar for some time.

Elections to the NEC in 2020 were a key moment, with Sir Keir solidifying his grip on the committee through the election of candidates who stood on a pro-leadership platform.

Several of these NEC members have now been chosen to fight very winnable parliamentary seats.

Labour To Win activists Luke Akehurst and Gurinder Singh Josan, who have been vocal Starmer supporters, have been chosen as the candidates for North Durham and Smethwick, which both have healthy Labour majorities.

But while the left of the party has no doubt been weakened by the ousting of key figures like Mr Corbyn, it has not been obliterated altogether.

Sir Keir has now said Ms Abbott will be allowed to stand for Labour if she chooses to.

More than 25 members of the Socialist Campaign Group remain Labour candidates, including former shadow chancellor John McDonnell, Richard Burgon and Zarah Sultana.

If Labour wins power, the smaller its majority the more powerful this bloc will be as Sir Keir may have to rely on their votes to pass legislation.

A full list of candidates for all constituencies will be available on the BBC News website when nominations have closed.

Could you be a successful entrepreneur? Three intriguing attributes might help

2 June 2024 at 08:00
Evan Davis
Evan Davis
Presenter, The Bottom Line

You want to step out of the world of wage slavery, and set up a business of your own? Preferably a business that will be more than a mere lifestyle for you - one that you can sell and from which you can retire on the proceeds?

Well, in thinking about your chances of success, it helps to look at those who have trodden that path and ended up with a flourishing enterprise to their name.

In the interview series The Decisions That Made Me a Leader, we spoke to half a dozen successful entrepreneurs - too small a sample from which to draw statistically useful generalisations, but large enough to spot some interesting patterns.

I was struck by three intriguing attributes that may not guarantee business success, but which do seem to help.

First, I noticed the degree of rebelliousness exuded by several of them. They never quite fitted in - perhaps not into school, or university, or into the first jobs they tried.

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The Bottom Line: The Decisions That Made Me a Leader

Evan Davis gets personal with high-profile business leaders.

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Duncan Bannatyne, famous as one of the original big stars of the Dragons Den TV series, certainly never fitted into the navy, from which he was court-martialed and dishonourably discharged after getting into a fight with an officer. “I just thought it was right thing to do - he was poking me and shouting at me,” recalls Mr Bannatyne.

His attitude, he tells me, is that “authority should not be accepted”.

Simon Beckerman, founder of online marketplace Depop, draws a similar conclusion about himself. “I'm quite a disobedient person in my own right," he says. "I think I am unemployable."

And it’s true that when you don’t find it easy to work for anyone else, going it alone is the obvious alternative career route.

Before she created the tea mixology brand Bird & Blend Tea Co., Krisi Smith had stumbled through many jobs - including cleaning out cat pens in a cattery (even though she is allergic to cats) and working as a "shot girl" selling spirits to club-goers.

Krisi Smith, founder of Bird & Blend Tea Co.
Image caption,

Krisi Smith says she set up her own business after calling out employers for their behaviour

"I was always asking questions and wanting to know why we were doing something and making suggestions,” she recalls. “And I think that that tended to put people's back up." After seeing her employers treat staff and customers badly, she decided she wanted to operate her own business ethically.

The second attribute that I noticed was a kind of impatience hard-wired into their personalities. It seems there is always an itch. They never stand still.

But if you thought their success in business came out of some kind of life-plan upon about which they had reflected and consciously embarked, you would be missing the point.

Our entrepreneurs grabbed at opportunities, and indeed grabbed opportunities to make opportunities for themselves.

Timo Armoo of social media marketing business FanBytes
Image caption,

While still a teenager, Timo Armoo was making his first steps in business

Timo Armoo, who set up the social media marketing company FanBytes, says he started his first venture at school, charging other pupils to help them with their maths assignments. Then, at the age of 17, he managed to secure interviews with Sir Richard Branson, Lord Sugar and James Caan after emailing the organisers of a business summit and offering to set out chairs in exchange for a press pass.

“I sent it and within 20 minutes I get back an email saying, ‘You're crazy and yes, let's do it,’" recalls Mr Armoo.

The impatience that one can observe even extends to the entrepreneurs leaving the very businesses they created. Self-aware founders understand the skills they have and do not have, and know that when a business matures, it often needs a management that can do the painstaking work of delivering sustainable growth, rather than one with the flair of creation and discovery.

At that point, impatience is exactly the wrong attribute. And anyway, our entrepreneurs, being impatient, are ready to move on once the business is solid, so their minds wander to selling and moving on.

Martha Lane Fox
Image caption,

After leaving Lastminute.com, Martha Lane Fox became the House of Lords' youngest female member and has advised successive governments

Take Martha Lane Fox, co-founder of Lastminute.com at the height of the dot-com boom during the late 1990s. She was a poster child of a new youthful entrepreneurial culture that sprung up at that time, as kids showed the grown-ups exactly what the internet was capable of.

But at the age of 31, she made the decision to step down as managing director of the company. “It was like being in a pop band where you had this one mega hit, and I didn't want that to be the only thing that defined my life," she says.

So to a third and final entrepreneurial attribute, which follows from the others: it’s a willingness to actually do things, rather than merely think about them. Or overthink them.

I feel this is what marks out those people - in business or perhaps even in charities or public service - that are of a genuine entrepreneurial spirit. They are the people who seem to get things done.

Personally, I think some of it comes down to a kind of optimism. They believe that their own actions have a good chance of achieving something, so they are less likely than most of us to descend into a fatalistic stupor. It gets them out of bed in the morning.

Richard Walker comes from a family with a track record in business - his father was the founder of the supermarket chain Iceland, where Richard is now executive chairman. But as a young qualified chartered surveyor, Richard says, "I also had this entrepreneurial itch to do my own thing."

He was advised by the legendary property developer Tony Gallagher to move to Poland: “So I did, because they just joined the EU. They were the size of Germany, 40 million people, very well-educated, but it was very uncovered. There were no no Brits living out there full time running a private property company. So I decided I would."

I’ve met a lot of entrepreneurs, and I sometimes wonder if they are deluded in their optimism. Many massively overrate their chances of success, and they often can’t even imagine the many things that may go wrong with the next idea they are toying with. They have too vivid a picture of what can go right.

But as delusions go, optimism is a blessing, if you refuse to be daunted by the disappointments.

Of course, the far biggest attribute anyone in business needs is good luck. Things eventually worked out for all our guests and luck surely played a part in that.

We have not heard from are the unknown names who tried to build a business, but whose efforts foundered. They may have had great judgement, business nous, all the right characteristics - but just hit the wrong product at the wrong time. That doesn’t have to have been their own fault. Things sometimes turn out bad. In business, they mostly turn out bad. Always bear that in mind.

Entrepreneurs are not some kind of special breed. We all have our eccentricities, our impatience and we all get things done. And we don’t want to be fatalistic in thinking that you are either born with entrepreneurship or you’re not. The skills of business can be learned and developed to some extent.

But if you are asking yourself, whether you personally are cut out to venture into a life like those of the stars of our series, it is certainly worth examining the characters they have - the flaws that turn out to be strengths and the work they have put in.

BBC InDepth is the new home on the website and app for the best analysis and expertise from our top journalists. Under a distinctive new brand, we’ll bring you fresh perspectives that challenge assumptions, and deep reporting on the biggest issues to help you make sense of a complex world. And we’ll be showcasing thought-provoking content from across BBC Sounds and iPlayer too. We’re starting small but thinking big, and we want to know what you think - you can send us your feedback by clicking on the button below.

Get in touch

InDepth is the new home for the best analysis from across BBC News. Tell us what you think.

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Prince William's role is changing - what does he really want to do with it?

2 June 2024 at 07:41
Sean Coughlan
Royal correspondent

When Prince William presented the men’s FA Cup trophy at Wembley last weekend, he’d have been forgiven for thinking how life can come at you fast - compared with when he appeared at the same fixture last year.

A year ago he was still in the summery afterglow of the Coronation, in which the Prince of Wales had played a central role, rather tenderly supporting his father the King. The pair had been seen joking together during rehearsals.

Fast forward to summer 2024 and there have been massive unexpected pressures. Within the quartet at the heart of the monarchy – King Charles, Queen Camilla, Prince William and Catherine – both the King and Princess of Wales have had cancer diagnoses.

"There can't be too many people whose wife and father have been diagnosed with cancer so close together. It must feel as if he is in a lonely place at times," says royal commentator Richard Palmer.

It’s meant that Prince William has focused much of his attention on looking after his wife and young family, understandably putting many of his other engagements on hold.

The need to avoid the politics of the UK’s general election has meant even more of his plans being curtailed, including a visit that would have focused on tackling homelessness.

King Charles III and Queen Camilla, accompanied by The Reverend Canon Alan Gyle, attend a memorial service in May 2024Image source, Getty Images
Image caption,

The King began to return to public duties at the start of May

While the King has returned to work with a burst of energy, it’s unavoidable that there will still need to be adjustments for his health. That’s going to mean Prince William being pushed ever more clearly into the role of heir, sharing the burden.

"It must feel like the weight of the world is on him. The future of the monarchy rests on his shoulders," says royal author Prof Pauline Maclaran.

It doesn’t help that there’s an ocean-wide gap between Prince William and his brother Prince Harry.

And swirling around the Princess of Wales’s illness, as she continues with cancer treatment, has been a toxic swamp gas of social media gossip and crazy speculation.

It must have felt as though the royal world, used to travelling at the sedate pace of a carriage, had turned into a white-knuckle ride.

At the centre of this storm, what does Prince William himself want to achieve? If you turn off all the background noise about the royals, what does he want to do with his role?

The key word, according to sources close to the prince, is “impact”. Rather than ribbon-cutting, photo opportunities and easy gimmicks, he wants to deliver projects that make a tangible, measurable difference.

“He’s asking: ‘How can I use my platform for good, to create positive change,” says a royal source.

“He has big ambitions for what he can deliver.”

Prince William and Catherine during a visit in Hereford to meet partners of The Duchy of CornwallImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

Prince William and Catherine during a visit to Hereford

In practice that means his projects to reduce homelessness, promote mental health issues and support environmental business through his Earthshot project.

Prince William has described his role as “social leadership” and his visits have been labelled as “community impact days”.

It’s a millennial vision of monarchy, taking off the tie and actively promoting a social agenda, with language that wouldn’t be out of place in a campaigning charity.

A microcosm of his approach was seen last month, when the prince, now responsible for the Duchy of Cornwall, helped with the breaking of ground for a new health centre on the Isles of Scilly.

He’d worked with the local council to get this project at St Mary’s Community Hospital under way.

“He's rolled up his sleeves and played a fundamental role in ensuring the work begins as soon as possible,” says a royal source, with the impact being that “people don't have to go to the mainland for care”.

There’s also a new housing project in Nansledan near Newquay intended to reduce homelessness.

It’s not particularly glitzy. Campaigners against the monarchy once described the royals as “state-funded reality television” – but the type of projects Prince William has been backing are often much less glamorous or even media-friendly.

Maybe that fits with another part of his character. He doesn’t always take the easiest path.

It’s like his football team, Aston Villa. He’s described supporting the team as a deliberate decision not to back the boringly predictable usual winners. He preferred the “emotional rollercoaster moments” of teams that went down as well as up.

Mind you, his father has gone a step further with this philosophical footballing ethos, supporting Burnley, who were relegated this year.

Prince William’s approach also risks criticism.

The anti-monarchy group, Republic, called his homelessness projects "crass and hypocritical... given the excessive wealth we gift him".

There's also the accusation that any ambition to tackle housing problems will always ultimately depend on political interventions which are outside his remit.

“It’s a tall order and it’s not entirely clear how he’s going to achieve it. But many people will think he should be applauded for trying,” says Richard Palmer.

Prince Harry at the Invictus GamesImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

There remains an ocean-wide gap between Prince William and his brother Harry

Another nagging friction is the tension between Team William and Prince Harry and Meghan, who can almost seem like a rival Californian court. While William was digging away in Cornwall, they were getting the rock star treatment in Nigeria.

Prince William has the challenge of getting serious ideas across, when he’s caught up in an improbably scripted soap opera.

There’s another generational pressure for Prince William that is only likely to increase.

A significant part of the public popularity of the monarchy now depends on the Prince and Princess of Wales. They’re like politicians who are more popular than their party.

There was a revealing survey from YouGov this month that showed Prince William and Catherine as having approval ratings of over 70%, while support for the monarchy as an institution was at 56%.

Among younger people support for the monarchy is only 34% - and it’s not until the over-50s that a majority see it in a positive way.

The significance of Prince William and Catherine’s popularity is that it stretches across age groups and different regions, at a time when a significant minority are sceptical about the monarchy.

“The monarchy has to be relevant and he wants to modernise it,” says Prof Maclaran.

As heir to the throne, he will also have to look in the longer term to his own reign.

“The next few years will see him thinking through what kind of monarch he wants to be and what kind of monarch the country will need to have in the mid-21st Century,” says historian Sir Anthony Seldon.

“He has been defining his own agenda, much of it overlapping with his father’s interests and passions,” says Sir Anthony.

But it’s at a time of so many unknowns for Prince William, who has such a big public platform but now has to find his own voice.

BBC InDepth is the new home on the website and app for the best analysis and expertise from our top journalists. Under a distinctive new brand, we’ll bring you fresh perspectives that challenge assumptions, and deep reporting on the biggest issues to help you make sense of a complex world. And we’ll be showcasing thought-provoking content from across BBC Sounds and iPlayer too. We’re starting small but thinking big, and we want to know what you think - you can send us your feedback by clicking on the button below.

Get in touch

InDepth is the new home for the best analysis from across BBC News. Tell us what you think.

Young French leader's rise and Belgium's future existence: What to watch in EU elections

2 June 2024 at 07:31
  • Published

When Europeans vote in elections for the European Parliament this coming week, their choices will reflect the national mood in 27 different countries.

Right and far-right parties are set to make gains, but the picture is widely different across the continent. Here is a snapshot of what to expect from BBC correspondents ahead of the vote.

Young leader boosts French far-right appeal

Jordan Bardella on the campaign trailImage source, Marianne Baisnée/BBC
Image caption,

At 28, Jordan Bardella has become the young star of France's National Rally

Hugh Schofield in Paris

The main point of suspense in France is how big will be the victory of the far right under its 28-year-old leader Jordan Bardella.

President Macron is certain to take a thumping. The question is whether his Renaissance party can limit the damage by at least retaining second place.

It is far from a given, with the Socialists under a strongly performing Raphaël Glucksmann snapping at the heels of Macron’s little-known champion Valérie Hayer. In the polls, they are each at about 15% or thereabouts, while other parties are hovering a little above the 5% cut-off, below which they will return no MEPs at all.

Meanwhile, Jordan Bardella and National Rally are consistently polling at 32% plus - more than double their nearest rivals.

The far right also won the last European elections in France in 2019, but by only a tiny lead over President Macron’s party.

This time it looks like being a crushing victory. Clearly many voters who want to give a kicking to the president think that the most effective way is to choose the far right. Any inhibitions that might have checked that vote in the past have all but vanished.

Will Belgium still be a country?

Vlaams Belang's Tom Van Grieken pictured during the launch of the official election campaign image and slogan of Flemish far right party Vlaams Belang, Sunday 03 March 2024 in ZellikImage source, HATIM KAGHAT/BELGA/AFP
Image caption,

Vlaams Belang leader Tom Van Grieken complains that Flanders subsidises French-speaking Wallonia

Bruno Boelpaep in Brussels

Most Belgians have no idea whether the election posters are after their vote at a European, federal or regional level. Because on 9 June, Belgians are electing MPs for seven different parliaments.

Only one vote has got the country talking. And it's not the European election but the federal vote, because the future of Belgium might well be at stake in Flanders, the Flemish north.

To be able to govern and choose a prime minister, Flemish and French-speaking parties will have to form a coalition at the federal level.

However, all the polls indicate that far-right party Vlaams Belang will come first. It wants the independence of Flanders and therefore the end of Belgium.

Until now, the traditional parties have kept a pact to keep it out of the ruling coalition. But as the prospect rises of Vlaams Belang coming first, so does the pressure on the other parties to let them have a seat at the table.

Poles vote with Russia's war on their minds

A man rides a bicycle through an underground passage past advertising screens announcing the upcoming rally of Poland's Prime Minister Donald Tusk, scheduled for June 4, in Warsaw, Poland on May 28, 2024Image source, SERGEI GAPON/AFP
Image caption,

Donald Tusk has made national security the number one election issue

Adam Easton in Warsaw

Polling suggests Russia’s invasion of neighbouring Ukraine is the issue over the last decade that has most changed the way Poles see the future.

That may explain why Poland’s centrist, pro-EU prime minister Donald Tusk has made national security and Russia’s threat the number one issue in his election campaign.

He’s trying to break a run that’s seen the Eurosceptic Law and Justice (PiS) party win the last nine elections, including October’s parliamentary and April’s local elections, although PiS’s lack of coalition partners saw it lose power in both.

Turnout is usually low, so both parties are keen to get their core voters out.

For PiS, that means playing on fears of abandoning the Polish zloty for the euro, rising energy prices and the impact of the EU’s climate policies on farmers.

Opinion polls put Donald Tusk’s Civic Coalition and PiS way out in front, tied on around 30% each.

Muted Slovak campaign after PM Fico's shooting

People lay flowers in SlovakiaImage source, Reuters
Image caption,

Campaigning is muted in Slovakia after the shooting of Prime Minister Fico

Rob Cameron in Prague

Slovaks vote next Saturday amid a strange, muted and at times tense atmosphere that has descended on their country since the assassination attempt on Prime Minister Robert Fico.

The centre-right opposition immediately suspended campaigning after the 15 May shooting, when Mr Fico went to greet supporters in the town of Handlova. He has only recently left hospital.

His left-populist Smer party is now leading the opinion polls following the shooting, which authorities say was politically motivated.

Smer opposes sending weapons to Ukraine and instead styles itself as the “peace” party.

It has eclipsed the centre-right opposition Progressive Slovakia, whose leader Michal Simecka was previously a deputy chairman of the European Parliament.

Last year’s election campaign was marred by insults, threats and even a punch-up between ex-prime minister Igor Matovic and Mr Fico’s deputy Robert Kalinak, who is now de facto acting prime minister.

Politicians on all sides are now under pressure to keep the temperature lower.

Austrians lured by far-right promises

This Freedom Party poster shows  the European Commission chief embracing the Ukrainian presidentImage source, JOE KLAMAR/AFP
Image caption,

This Freedom Party poster shows the European Commission chief embracing the Ukrainian president

Bethany Bell in Vienna

“Stop EU Chaos, Asylum Crisis, Climate Terror, War-mongering, Corona Chaos,” declares one poster for the far-right opposition Freedom Party (FPÖ), who lead the polls here.

Another image shows the head of the European Commission embracing the Ukrainian president. The governing conservative People’s Party (ÖVP) has condemned the image as Russian propaganda.

Political analyst Thomas Hofer says in the past the Eurosceptic FPÖ has had trouble mobilising its supporters for EU elections. But now 27% of Austrians say they will vote for the party, ahead of the People's Party and the opposition Social Democrats, who are each polling at 22%.

The Green Party is struggling, after questions arose about its lead candidate, Lena Schilling, a 23-year-old climate activist. She was accused of spreading damaging rumours and being disloyal to the Greens, which she denies.

With Austria's general election this autumn, this vote is being watched very carefully.

Big chance for Italy's Giorgia Meloni

Italy's Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni Image source, MASSIMO PERCOSSI/EPA-EFE
Image caption,

For Giorgia Meloni, this vote is a chance to cement her position in Europe

By Laura Gozzi

At the last European elections, Matteo Salvini’s League came out top with over 34% of the vote. Giorgia Meloni’s Brothers of Italy (FdI) hovered around 6%.

The situation is now about to be reversed. FdI is set to win 27% of the vote – largely at the expense of the League, which will tumble down to just over 8%.

It is a remarkable result for Ms Meloni, who in the space of five years has gone from being a noisy but relatively minor opposition figure to prime minister and leader of Italy’s ruling coalition – in which the League is a junior partner.

While Mr Salvini seems condemned to espousing increasingly radical positions in an attempt to stop haemorrhaging voters, Ms Meloni finds herself in the enviable position of being courted by French National Rally leader Marine Le Pen and European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen, both of whom want her support on the European stage.

Ms Meloni has already reshaped Italy. She might now get the chance to do the same to the EU.

Germany's Scholz set to take hit over war

Berlin's graffiti artists label Olaf Scholz a warmonger in German and a war criminal in EnglishImage source, Ali Zaidi/BBC
Image caption,

German graffiti artists label Olaf Scholz a warmonger and a war criminal

Damien McGuinness in Berlin

Frieden, or peace, is the word most often cropping up on campaign posters here. For radical, left-wing parties that means a halt to arming Ukraine.

But for Chancellor Olaf Scholz, who is presenting himself as “peace chancellor”, it’s about calming voters’ fears of escalation.

His government is the largest donor of military aid to Ukraine in Europe, but he has repeatedly set red lines on some weapons, tapping into his centre-left SPD party’s anti-war heritage.

“Warmonger” is the graffiti scrawled on his face on some posters. “Ditherer” is the accusation from some critics in parliament and the media.

The danger is that he may simply alienate both sides. His party, like all three governing coalition parties, is set to get fewer votes than last time.

The conservative opposition leads the polls, and the big question is whether the far-right AfD, despite a string of recent scandals, will beat Mr Scholz’s SPD into second place.

Hungary's Orban faces strong challenge

Hungary's PM faces a strong challenge from former colleague Peter MagyarImage source, Nick Thorpe/BBC
Image caption,

Hungarian challenger Peter Magyar hopes to squeeze the Orban vote

Nick Thorpe in Budapest

Hungarian leader Viktor Orban’s Fidesz party hoped to romp home with an easy victory, then help reshuffle Europe’s right wing.

Pushed out of the EU’s centre-right European Peoples Party, Fidesz wants a new group with Italy’s Giorgia Meloni and France’s Marine Le Pen that would be “a force for Europe”.

Mr Orban’s plans have been dented but not destroyed by the emergence of former Fidesz insider Peter Magyar and his new TISZA party.

Peter Magyar has been touring the country, drawing large crowds and striking a deep chord with tirades against Fidesz corruption, the disastrous state of schools and hospitals, constant emigration, and growing numbers of migrant workers from Asia.

His aim is to squeeze the Fidesz vote now then defeat Mr Orban in the next national election in 2026. Fidesz is on 44% and falling; TISZA is on 26% and still rising.

The Hungarian PM says EU leaders and the US are warmongers over Ukraine – and 9 June is a simple vote between peace and war.

Spain's conservatives pile pressure on PM Sánchez

Spain's Popular Party (PP) leader Alberto Nunez Feijoo speaks during a rally against the so-called amnesty law called by his party in MadridImage source, by Javier Lizon/EPA-EFE
Image caption,

Alberto Núñez Feijóo's PP are set to perform well in this election

Guy Hedgecoe in Madrid

The conservative People’s Party (PP) looks likely to make the most gains, as it takes votes from the struggling Ciudadanos, which could lose all eight of its seats.

For PP leader Alberto Núñez Feijóo, this is an opportunity to pile the pressure on Socialist Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez, whose government he is seeking to portray as corrupt – because of a judicial investigation into his wife, Begoña Gómez – and in hock to Catalan nationalists.

Mr Sánchez hopes recent foreign policy set-pieces, such as the announcement of a large military package for Ukraine and his government’s recognition of a Palestinian state, will help ensure a reasonable result.

The far-right Vox tends to thrive on turmoil surrounding Spain’s territorial issue and with the government’s controversial amnesty for Catalan nationalists hogging the headlines recently, polls suggest it is going to make gains.

A new far-right party, Se Acabó la Fiesta (The Party’s Over) led by online agitator Alvise Pérez, could secure a seat.

Polarised Dutch still reeling after last election

Dutch party leaders Geert Wilders (PVV), Dilan Yesilgoz (VVD), Caroline van der Plas (BBB) and Pieter Omtzigt (NSC) react after posing for a group photograph during the presentation of the main lines agreement for a new cabinet, in the Hague, the Netherlands, 16 May 2024Image source, KOEN VAN WEEL/EPA
Image caption,

It took more than six months for these four leaders to reach a government deal

Anna Holligan in The Hague

Billboards along canals and bike lanes display a patchwork of candidates. A record 20 parties are taking part, but many here are tired of politics and turnout is likely to be low.

The Netherlands is still reeling from the twists and turns in forming a new government after November's parliamentary elections.

The issues of that vote haven't gone away: immigration, a nationwide housing shortage, climate change and the future of farming.

Geert Wilders’ far-right Freedom Party (PVV) won the 2023 election and has dropped a longstanding pledge to hold a “Nexit” vote, recognising there is limited appetite for a Dutch Brexit.

The polls suggest his party and the other three that are set to form the next Dutch government – the liberal conservative VVD, the centrist New Social Contact and the Farmer Citizen Movement (BBB)) – will almost half the 31 Dutch seats in the European Parliament.

In a politically polarised society, it's the Eurosceptic right and pro-EU left that are poised to make the greatest gains.

Denmark's vote a test for flagging government

Denmark's Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen with Ukrainian President Volodymyr ZelenskiyImage source, Reuters
Image caption,

The vote is seen as a litmus test for Mette Frederiksen's government

Adrienne Murray in Copenhagen

Across Denmark’s capital Copenhagen, posters of candidates are tied to lampposts and trees on just about every street in the city, as almost 170 them from 11 different parties, compete for 15 seats in the European Parliament.

This election may well end up being a litmus test for Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen and her centrist coalition government, which straddles the traditional left-right divide.

Her Social Democrats have fallen back in the polls since the 2022 general election, and her coalition partners, the Liberals and the Moderates, are also trailing.

But while Mette Frederiksen talks tough on migration policy and urges Europe’s left to tighten their stance, it's the climate crisis that ranks among the most important issues for voters here.

Farming is the new battleground that runs along Denmark’s urban-rural divide. There is heated debate over agriculture’s emissions footprint and a proposed carbon tax.

Defence is also a big issue, as are terror, crime and the future of Europe.

The Papers: 'Labour offers MPs peerages' and 'Jail Trump now'

2 June 2024 at 07:24
BBC News
Staff
  • Published

The headline in the Sunday Times reads: Labour offers MPs peerages to step down
Image caption,

Leading the Sunday Times is a report that Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer has offered several of the party's MPs, including Diane Abbott, peerages "to quit and make way for allies". In international news, the newspaper reports that right-wingers in Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's cabinet have threatened to "dissolve the government" rather than take up a deal with Hamas supported by the US that involves a ceasefire and the freeing of hostages

The headline in the Observer reads: Sunak suffers poll blow as cash-for-votes row erupts
Image caption,

Prime Minister Rishi Sunak "suffers poll blow", the Observer reports, as he faces "accusations of using levelling up funds to win votes". Elsewhere, the paper also reports on the latest in the Middle East, quoting Mr Netanyahu as saying the ceasefire deal is a "non-starter" and that "Hamas must be completely destroyed" before Israel will end its war in Gaza

The headline in the Sunday telegraph reads: Labour will betray pensioners again, says Chancellor
Image caption,

The Sunday Telegraph's political editor Camilla Turner pens two pieces on the broadsheet's front page. One airs comments from Chancellor Jeremy Hunt recalling a Gordon Brown-era pension policy, which forms his argument that "Labour betrayed pensioners before". The other hears from Shadow Home Secretary Yvette Cooper on a Labour policy to train Britons in fields such as care and construction in a bid to cut migration. She says current policy "basically incentivises" firms to hire from abroad

The headline in the Sunday Express reads: Labour's £1,000 tax raid on OAPs
Image caption,

The Sunday Express also reports Conservative comments on what the party projects to be Labour pension policy, quoting Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, who says he "really fears for pensioners under a Labour government"

The headline in the Mail on Sunday reads: Tories' SOS to Rishi: Give us tax cuts now
Image caption,

"Rattled Tories" are demanding Rishi Sunak announce tax cut policies "to save the party from oblivion", the Mail on Sunday reports in its lead story. It features comments from Jeremy Hunt, who told the paper that "two cuts to National Insurance had failed to swing public opinion" prior to the election being called

The headline in the Sunday Mirror reads: Jail him now
Image caption,

The Sunday Mirror features the conviction of former US president Donald Trump on its front page with a splash on the reaction from Stormy Daniels. The paper reports that Ms Daniels, whose hush-money payment made the basis of Trump's convictions, says she is "vindicated" by the result, but that "the legacy of the trial will stay with her forever"

The headline in the Daily Star reads: You're going home in a cardigan
Image caption,

The Daily Star Sunday's front page reports that a magazine photoshoot of Gareth Southgate wearing a cardigan has prompted a spike in sales of the "grandpa fashion" piece

The headline in Sunday People reads: I taught Rishi Sunak but I'd never vote for him
Image caption,

The Sunday People leads with a story citing a former school teacher of Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, who the paper quotes describing him as a "self-serving opportunist"

The headline in the Sun reads: Blind star for strictly
Image caption,

Strictly Come Dancing leads the Sun, with news that comedian Chris McCausland will join the show. Mr McCausland will become the show's first blind contestant, the paper reports, with showrunners "delighted" by the move

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The artist 'not surprised' to be a best-seller

2 June 2024 at 07:19
Ivorian artist Aboudia stands in front of his paintingsImage source, Larkin Durey
Image caption,

Aboudia's work has been shown in exhibitions held in Abidjan, London, New York and Tel Aviv

Wedaeli Chibelushi
BBC News, London
  • Published

Back in September, global art experts were taken aback by the name topping a fresh list of the world's best-selling artists.

Aboudia, a graffiti-inspired artist from Ivory Coast, had beaten well-known names, like Damian Hirst and Banksy, to sell the most pieces at auction the previous year.

According to the Hiscox Artist Top 100, Aboudia, real name Abdoulaye Diarrassouba, had flogged 75 lots. One of these canvasses had gone for £504,000 (£640,000).

Leading online marketplace Artsy called Aboudia's triumph "striking", external, while The Guardian said market experts were "blindsided", external by the ranking.

Months later, sat in a London gallery plastered with his paintings, Aboudia tells me the survey results were "no surprise" to him.

“Because if you work hard, the success is going to come," he says, dressed entirely in black save for wristfulls of beaded bracelets.

"The first thing is your work... after, everything comes home.”

Aboudia's mellow disposition clashes with the art surrounding him - his vividly coloured, heavily layered canvases feature a cast of cartoon-like figures plucked from the streets of Abidjan, Ivory Coast's largest city.

Through a blend of oil sticks, acrylic paints and recycled materials like newspapers, Aboudia depicts the hardships of life in downtown Abidjan. He particularly focuses on the children who live and work on the city's streets.

His eyewitness portrayals of Ivory Coast's 2011 civil war are equally arresting. Figures gaze at the viewer with vacant eyes, while armed soldiers and skulls crank up the intensity.

Aboudia says that today, there's a misconception that his rise to the top "came quickly".

"No - I worked like 15 or 10 years for that."

Three Aboudia paintings hung in a gallery. Copies of his monograph sit on a table in the foreground.Image source, Larkin Durey
Image caption,

Aboudia works with paint, oil stick and materials like newspapers, magazines and art catalogues

Aboudia was born in 1983, in Abengourou, a small town around 200km (124 miles) from Abidjan. In a 2012 essay, external, the artist said he was kicked out of his home aged 15 after telling his father he wanted to paint for a living.

After being cast out, the young Aboudia pressed on and enrolled in art school. Due to a lack of financial support, he slept in his classroom after the other students went home for the day. These uncomfortable nights paid off - after graduating in 2003 the soon-to-be-star was accepted into Ivory Coast's leading art school, École des Beaux-Arts.

Abidjan's École des Beaux-Arts would expose Aboudia to the Ivorian art icons whose influence can be found in his current work. For instance, Aboudia's focus on his direct surroundings and his use of recycled materials can be traced back to Vohou Vohou, a modernist collective established in the 1970s by artists like Youssouf Bath, Yacouba Touré and Kra N'Guessan.

Aboudia began to veer away from traditional styles of art, instead using untamed brushstrokes and earthy colours to recreate graffiti produced by Abidjan's underprivileged children.

In Aboudia's words, these young, de facto street artists "draw their dreams on the world".

The children are his main influence, he says, and not the wildly famous, American graffiti artist-turned-painter that his work is often likened to.

"When I started working, I didn't know [Jean-Michel] Basquiat," Aboudia says.

"It wasn't like: 'There's a person called Basquiat, there's a person called Picasso' because there wasn't internet at the school and they didn't talk about those artists."

After establishing his core style, Aboudia would lug his paintings around the galleries of central Abidjan, hoping for a way in.

"It was very hard... they'd say: 'Are you crazy? What is this work? You better go to London, to United States or Paris, because this work... here it doesn't make sense'," Aboudia recalls.

Aboudia's painting, Le couloir de la mort, 2011Image source, Aboudia/Larkin Durey
Image caption,

Aboudia produced 21 pieces while holed up in his studio during the war

The adversity did not end there. In 2010, Laurent Gbagbo, the then president of Ivory Coast, refused to step down after losing an election to rival Alassane Ouattara. A civil war broke out, killing 3,000 people and forcing another 500,000 from their homes.

Throughout the four-month conflict, Aboudia sought refuge in his basement studio, documenting the horrors he saw when venturing above ground.

The war ended with Mr Gbagbo's dramatic capture by UN and French-backed troops - and Aboudia emerged from his haven with 21 disconcerting paintings.

Art-lovers and journalists from Ivory Coast and beyond lauded his work and Aboudia's ascent to global success began.

He was championed by renowned art collectors Charles Saatchi and Jean Pigozzi - and went on to exhibit his work at prestigious venues like Christie's New York and the Venice Biennale.

Aboudia's first solo exhibition was at the setting for this interview, London's Larkin Durey (then named the Jack Bell gallery).

Owner Oliver Durey, who has now known Aboudia for over a decade, tells the BBC: "There is something we can all relate to in his paintings; hiding amidst the uncertainty and horror there are balanced moments of strength and beauty."

African art expert Henrika Amoafo says Aboudia's art "kind of fits the international idea of Africa representing war" and other forms of strife.

There are other reasons for his success though, like his "authenticity, the really raw emotional power that he's able to convey, the way that he speaks to urban life, the way that he speaks about conflict and its impact on children", says Ms Amoafo, an executive at ADA Contemporary Art Gallery in Ghana.

Aboudia's 2011 painting, UntitledImage source, Aboudia/Larkin Durey
Image caption,

Aboudia's striking war paintings helped him gain international recognition

Aboudia's rise also coincides with that of the African art market. In 2021, art analysis firm ArtTactic reported that the auction sales value of contemporary and modern African art surged by 44% to a record high of $72.4m (£56.9m).

ArtTactic has also found that while the global art market declined by 18% last year, Africa's only shrunk by 8.4%.

In its 2024 assesment of the industry, Hiscox did not include a ranking of best-selling artists by the volume of all artworks sold, as it did in 2023.

However, it named Aboudia as the sixth most successful artist when it comes to pieces sold for less than $50,000 (£39,300).

Aboudia's rise has led to him splitting his time between his country of birth and New York. When he is back in Ivory Coast, he pours his efforts into the Aboudia Foundation, an organisation he launched to support the country's children and young artists.

This is yet another example of the star's drive - but when I ask him if he has any plans lined up for his career, he answers plainly: "No, I don't have that."

When I press him, he says he takes things one day at a time - perhaps a soothing antidote to over a decade of tenacity.

You may also be interested in:

A woman looking at her mobile phone and the graphic BBC News AfricaImage source, Getty Images/BBC

Go to BBCAfrica.com, external for more news from the African continent.

Follow us on Twitter @BBCAfrica, external, on Facebook at BBC Africa, external or on Instagram at bbcafrica, external

Related Topics

Your pictures on the theme of 'ripples'

2 June 2024 at 07:12
  • Published

We asked our readers to send in their best pictures on the theme of "ripples". Here is a selection of the photographs we received from around the world.

Ripples around ducks on a pondImage source, Jiri Dvorak
Image caption,

Jiri Dvorak photographed ducks in London.

A plant in front of rippling waterImage source, Łukasz Wojtylak
Image caption,

Łukasz Wojtylak: “Flowers by the city pond in Niepołomice, Poland. In the background, fish are catching insects in the sunlight.”

A Red-Striped Ribbon snake in waterImage source, Erin Stenzel
Image caption,

Erin Stenzel: “A Red-Striped Ribbon snake cooling off and making some waves at Ladybird Johnson Wildflower Center in Austin, Texas.”

RiIpple shapes in sandImage source, Andrew Martin
Image caption,

Andrew Martin: “Ripples in the sand under Weston-super-Mare pier, giving something of a solar flare vibe.”

Ripples in sand duneImage source, Kathlene Persoff
Image caption,

Kathlene Persoff: “Strong Atlantic winds at Palmetto Dunes Beach on Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, created graceful ripples in the sands.”

Patterns on tree barkImage source, Chris Tudor
Image caption,

Chris Tudor: “Rhythmic patterns on the trunk of a mature palm tree in Puerto del Carmen, Lanzarote.”

People reflected in rippled mirrorsImage source, David Robinson
Image caption,

David Robinson: “On a bustling shopping street in central London a reflection of pedestrians creates the impression of urban ripples.”

A person paddling in a canoeImage source, Matthew Logan
Image caption,

Matthew Logan: “The ripples formed from the water dripping off the paddle of the canoeist makes a perfect arc.”

A rock surrounded by rippled sandImage source, Quintin Quinn
Image caption,

Quintin Quinn photographed ripples in the sand.

Two people on a beachImage source, Shauna Dalziel
Image caption,

Shauna Dalziel: “The sky, the sea, the sand all rippled at the Newton Shore, Ayr. We stood and bathed in the glorious sunset.”

A boat at Dunbar Harbour, ScotlandImage source, John Dawson
Image caption,

John Dawson: “I took a train to Dunbar from Edinburgh, as I had heard there was a lot to see around the harbour area. What I had heard was correct - spent the whole day there.”

Ducklings on the waterImage source, Iain Shaw
Image caption,

Iain Shaw: “Clear water ahead. Goslings kicking up a storm.”

Water droplets on a piece of ropeImage source, Paul Sullivan
Image caption,

Paul Sullivan: “Droplets from a dock line in Pigeon Cove, Rockport, Massachusetts.”

Ripples in a lakeImage source, Lee Slater
Image caption,

Lee Slater: “I missed Sarah's impressive dive into Blue Lake, Central Otago, but caught this fine set of ripples instead. This lunar-like landscape used to be one of New Zealand's deepest gold mines.”

Ripples in a lake around a boatImage source, Fiona MacCallum
Image caption,

Fiona MacCallum: “East Quay, Wells -next-the-Sea, north Norfolk. I caught the ripples at dusk as a dinghy went past.”

A man reflected in convex and concave mirrors at a fairImage source, Kevin Privett
Image caption,

Kevin Privett: “Ripples in the fabric of space-time caught on camera; or is it just crazy mirrors on Southwold pier?”

Ripples on a flooded lake in CumbriaImage source, Jenny Retzler
Image caption,

Jenny Retzler: “Ripples on flooded fields around Coniston Water, Lake District.”

An insect in waterImage source, Jane Luetkens
Image caption,

Jane Luetkens: “Before steering this insect towards a lily pad and safety, I had to admire the ripples it made on the water.”

A pond at sunsetImage source, Henry Szwinto
Image caption,

Henry Szwinto: “Sunset at Setley Pond, New Forest, Hampshire.”

A swimmer creating ripplesImage source, Miriam Simmons
Image caption,

Miriam Simmons photographed a swimmer at Walpole Bay in Kent.

The next theme is "On top of the world" and the deadline for entries is 11 June 2024.

The pictures will be published later that week and you will be able to find them, along with other galleries, on the In Pictures section of the BBC News website.

You can upload your entries directly here or email them to yourpics@bbc.co.uk.

Terms and conditions apply.

Further details and themes are at: We set the theme, you take the pictures.

All photographs subject to copyright.

Related Topics

Arrests, accusations and AI: India’s election unpacked

2 June 2024 at 07:07

Arrests, accusations and AI: India’s election unpacked

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India’s election, the biggest in the world, saw more than six weeks of gruelling campaigning - often in blistering heat.

So what were the big talking points? And just how huge was it?

The BBC's Christian Parkinson tells you what the key moments and issues of the election were.

Produced by Nikita Mandhani and Danish Alam

  • Subsection
  • Published

The American D-Day soldiers who left messages in a castle

2 June 2024 at 07:05
Member of the 802 Air Division on the Grounds of Killymoon CastleImage source, Dorothy Coulter/Killymoon Castle
Image caption,

Members of the 802 Air Division in the grounds of Killymoon Castle

Niall McCracken
BBC News NI mid-ulster reporter
  • Published

Hidden down a dark cellar in the bowels of a centuries-old castle is one of Northern Ireland’s best kept World War Two secrets.

For 80 years, its basement walls have been the canvas for hundreds of hand-written messages from American soldiers preparing for D-Day.

From December 1943 to February 1944, Killymoon Castle just outside Cookstown played a key role in the war effort.

It was the base for the 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment of the US Army.

Some of the writing and drawings from the American soldiers that can be found on the walls of Killymoon Castle
Image caption,

Some of the writings and drawings from the American soldiers that can be found on the walls of Killymoon Castle

The GIs in NI

Until 1942, the British had been facing off against Nazi Germany without their greatest ally.

The bombing of Pearl Harbour changed all that and the first arrival of American troops to the British Isles began to gather haste between 1943 and 1944.

It is estimated that about 300,000 American military personnel were deployed to Northern Ireland by the end of the war.

The D-Day fleet off the coast of Bangor, Northern IrelandImage source, With kind permission of the Public Record Office of Northern Ireland
Image caption,

The D-Day fleet off the coast of Bangor, Northern Ireland

More than 600 American army personnel were stationed at Killymoon Castle.

Many of them were part of an elite parachute unit that would play a key role in the war.

They spent three months at Killymoon Castle before being dispatched to England for the final preparations of the operation to land in France, that would forever be known as D-Day.

By the end of World War Two, 153 paratroopers who stayed at Killymoon had died.

'It's a piece of history'

But the American soldiers that stayed in the rural County Tyrone castle left their mark in more ways than one.

Clarke Hill is a local historian who has helped bring the story of the American GIs and Killymoon Castle to life.

"When people come to the castle and I tell them the history, they can’t believe it," he said.

"There are still lots of artefacts from their time here that can be found in the castle, including handbooks that the American soldiers had as a guide to Northern Ireland.

Clarke Hill has started given tours at Killymoon Castle explaining it's World War Two history
Image caption,

Clarke Hill has started given tours at Killymoon Castle explaining it's World War Two history

"There are, of course, many wonderful pictures from that time too, including the troops playing baseball on the front lawn of the castle."

Officers and senior US Army personnel stayed in the warmth of the castle and many of the rooms have now been restored to how they would have looked during this era.

The rest of the American troops stayed in makeshift huts that were erected on the castle grounds, the remnants of which can still be found today.

The cellars of the castle played host to a prison cell, a mess room and an armoury.

Killymoon's owners have left these rooms virtually untouched, allowing handwritten messages left by US troops to survive for eight decades.

A photo of American soldiers playing baseball on the front lawn of Killymoon CastleImage source, Dorothy Coulter/Killymoon Castle
Image caption,

A photo of American soldiers playing baseball on the front lawn of Killymoon Castle

Mr Hill added: "These walls are a hidden gem and the messages left really are an incredible part of history."

The cellar walls consist of hundreds of messages scrawled in pencil from the soldiers who called Killymoon their home during this era.

The handwritten messages include, names, dates of birth and regiment details as well as caricatures.

The wall even features a pencil drawing of Adolf Hitler.

A pencil drawing of Adolf Hitler on the cellar walls of Killymoon Castle
Image caption,

A pencil drawing of Adolf Hitler on the cellar walls of Killymoon Castle

One of the names on the wall reads: "P.T – Tony J. Vickery 505 Prcht. Inf, U.S. Army, Atlanta, GA".

The incredible story behind this name was unearthed by local World War Two enthusiast, Andy Glenfield.

"I have been to many World War Two connected sites in Northern Ireland, but I’ve never come across anywhere like Killymoon,” he said.

The milk bar commando

"When I went into that cellar basement and saw all those names, I was absolutely flabbergasted, I couldn’t believe they were all still there.

"The reason Tony Vickery’s name stood out for me is because he had given so much detail about himself, so that gave me a lot to go on in terms of researching his story."

Andy was able to find out that Tony Vickery had been part of the parachute regiment in the 82nd Airborne Division and was only 18 when he stayed at Killymoon.

He also uncovered documents showing that the men in his company had called him “the milk bar commando” because of his love of milkshakes.

Tony Vickery was 18 years old when he left to fight in World War TwoImage source, Andy Glenfield/Vickery family
Image caption,

Tony Vickery was 18 years old when he left to fight in World War Two

The Georgia native had qualified as a fourth-grade technician and parachuted into Normandy on 6 June 1944.

Five days later he was providing cover while other soldiers in his group were sleeping and a group of Germans advanced to their position.

A firefight ensued and Tony Vickery was killed in action.

He was awarded the purple heart and is buried in the American Cemetery at Colleville-sur-Mer in Normandy.

'I'm proud of him'

After pulling together the details of Tony Vickey’s story, Andy Glenfield decided to visit his grave in France.

He said: "When we were there, our guide had a little silver bucket with sand from Omaha Beach and he took the sand and wiped it into the white marble cross onto Tony’s name, and it made it stand out gold. It was wonderful.

"It was amazing to see his final resting place after learning so much about him, from Cookstown to Normandy, it was very emotional."

Andy then tracked down some of Tony Vickey’s relatives in America to let them know about the details he had uncovered.

Andy Glenfield watching on as sand from Omaha Beach is put on the grave of Tony VickeryImage source, Andy Glenfield
Image caption,

Andy Glenfield watching on as sand from Omaha Beach is put on the grave of Tony Vickery

BBC News NI spoke to his niece, Nancy McKendree, who is now 80 years old and lives in the US state of Georgia.

She said: "I was an infant when he was killed, but I know that my mother stayed upset about his death all her life.

"She would never watch a war picture, either on TV or at the movies, it was too difficult."

She added: "Until recently I didn’t know anything about his name in the castle.

"All I knew was that he was a war hero, and I was sad, of course, but I’m proud of him for what he did while he was over there."

Killymoon Castle has opened its doors to the public and local schools this weekend to commemorate D-Day with tours, an exhibition and displays of original World War Two memorabilia connected to the site.

'Darkest period of my life': Gay conversion therapy in Italy

2 June 2024 at 07:04
Rosario Lonegro headshotImage source, Rosario Lonegro
Image caption,

Rosario Lonegro says his time in the seminary was "the darkest period" of his life

Davide Ghiglione
BBC News
Reporting from
Rome
  • Published

Rosario Lonegro was only 20 years old when he entered a Catholic seminary in Sicily as an aspiring priest preparing to be ordained. But while he was there he fell in love with another man and his superiors demanded that he undergo conversion therapy intended to erase his sexual preferences if he wanted to continue on the path to the priesthood.

“It was the darkest period of my life," he told the BBC, recalling his seminary experience in 2017.

Haunted by guilt and fears of committing a sin in the eyes of the Catholic Church, Rosario said he "felt trapped with no choice but to suppress my true self”.

“The psychological pressure to be someone I was not was insurmountable. I could not change no matter how hard I tried.”

For more than a year, he was compelled to take part in spiritual gatherings outside the seminary, some over several days, where he was subjected to a series of distressing activities intended to strip him of his sexual proclivities.

These included being locked in a dark closet, being coerced to strip naked in front of fellow participants, and even being required to enact his own funeral.

During these rituals, he was tasked with committing to paper his perceived flaws, such as “homosexuality”, “abomination”, “falsehood” - and even more explicit terms, which he was then obliged to bury beneath a symbolic gravestone.

'I thought I needed to be cured'

The World Health Organization (WHO) removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders in 1990. Subsequent scientific research has largely concluded that attempts to change sexual orientation are not only ineffective but also harmful.

In France, Germany and predominantly Catholic Spain, conversion therapies have been officially banned, and efforts are under way both in England and Wales to outlaw such practices.

Today in Italy, it's nearly impossible to determine the precise extent of these practices, reported mostly by men, but some women too, and there is no standard legal definition of them.

In recent months, however, the BBC has conducted interviews with several young gay men across the country who have shared their experiences of being subjected to pseudoscientific group meetings or individual therapy sessions aimed at turning them into heterosexuals.

One 33-year-old man who attended this type of meeting for over two years expressed his initial motivation, saying: “I wanted to reconcile with myself. I didn’t want to be homosexual. I thought I needed to be cured.”

“I saw that as my sole path to acceptance,” said another. He was not trying to become a priest, but was simply seeking acceptance in his daily life.

Priests make their way to wait in line to view the body of Pope John Paul II as it lays in state in the St Peter's Basilica April 5, 2005 in Vatican CityImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

Experts say Italy is hesitant to ban the practices partly due to Italy’s strong Catholic influence

Gay conversion therapy is not limited to one specific region of Italy - group meetings and individual therapy sessions run across the country, some even run by licensed psychotherapists. In some cases, these gatherings and therapy sessions are unofficial and covert, often promoted through discreet conversations and secret referrals.

Other courses are publicly advertised, with known figures within Italy’s conservative circles actively seeking followers online and on social media platforms to promote their ability to change sexual orientations.

In Sicily, Rosario Lonegro was primarily subjected to meetings organised by the Spanish group Verdad y Libertad (Truth and Freedom), under the leadership of Miguel Ángel Sánchez Cordón. This group has since disbanded, having incurred the disapproval of the Catholic Church.

However, the Italian priest who originally pushed Lonegro into these practices was given a senior position within the Church, while others continued to draw inspiration from Sánchez Cordón’s methods in Italy.

Many of the people the BBC spoke to were referred to Luca di Tolve, a “moral/spiritual trainer” who gained recognition through his book titled "I was gay once. In Medjugorie I found myself".

On his website, Di Tolve and his wife boast that they are a "contented couple" seeking to "aid anyone whose sexual identity is in turmoil, helping them to genuinely exercise their freedom in determining who they wish to be as a person”. When contacted by the BBC, Di Tolve did not respond.

Another active individual promoting ways to tackle perceived sexual orientation is Giorgio Ponte, a well-known writer in Italy’s ultra-conservative circles. He says he wants to help people overcome their homosexuality and be liberated, by telling his own story as a man with homosexual drives who is on his “potentially life-long” path to freedom.

"In my experience, homosexual attraction stems from an injury to one's identity that conceals needs unrelated to the sexual-erotic aspect but rather tied to a distorted perception of oneself, reflecting across all aspects of life," he told the BBC.

"I believe that a homosexual person should have the freedom to try [to become heterosexual], if they want, knowing, however, that it may not be possible for everyone," he added.

'When I kissed her it felt unnatural'

In recent years, dozens of young men and women have sought guidance from the likes of Di Tolve, Ponte and Sánchez Cordón. Among them is 36-year-old Massimiliano Felicetti, a gay man who grappled with attempts to change his sexual orientation for more than 15 years.

“I started to be uncomfortable with myself from a very early age, I felt I would never be accepted by my family, society, Church circles. I thought I was wrong, I just wanted to be loved, and these people offered me hope," he said.

Felicetti said he had tried different solutions, consulting psychologists and clergy members who offered to help him become heterosexual. However, about two years ago, he decided to stop. A friar who knew of his struggle encouraged him to start dating a woman, but it didn’t feel natural.

“When I kissed her for the first time, it felt unnatural. It was time to stop pretending,” Felicetti said.

Only a few months ago he came out as gay to his family. “It took years, but for the first time I am happy to be who I am.”

Despite attempts from previous governments to promote a bill to oppose conversion therapies, no progress has been made in Italy. Italy’s right-wing government led by Giorgia Meloni has so far adopted a hostile stance toward LGBT rights, with the prime minister herself vowing to tackle the so-called “LGBT lobby” and “gender ideology”.

Such lack of progress comes as no surprise to Michele Di Bari, a researcher in comparative public law at the University of Padova, who says that Italy is structurally much slower to implement change compared with other countries in Western Europe.

“This is a very elusive phenomenon, given that it is a practice prohibited by Italy’s order of psychologists itself. Yet, in the Italian legal system, it is not deemed illegal. People carrying out such practices can’t be punished.”

Despite the complexity of the issue, experts believe that partly due to Italy’s strong Catholic influence, the country has been more hesitant to prohibit these controversial practices.

A participant reacts next to a banner depicting Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni during the Pride March to show support for members of the LGBT community, in Milan on June 24, 2023.Image source, Getty Images
Image caption,

Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni's government has adopted a hostile stance to LGBT rights in Italy

“This may be one of the elements that, along with a strongly patriarchal and male chauvinist culture, makes the broader understanding of homosexuality and LGBT rights more difficult,” said Valentina Gentile, a sociologist at Rome’s LUISS University.

“However, it is also fair to say that not all Catholicism is hostile to the inclusion of diversity and the Church itself is in a period of strong transformation in this regard,” she added.

Pope Francis has said that the Catholic Church is open to everyone, including the gay community, and that it has a duty to accompany them on a personal path of spirituality, but within the framework of its rules.

However, the Pope himself was reported to have used a highly derogatory term towards the LGBT community when he told a closed-door meeting with Italian bishops that gay people should not be allowed to become priests. The Vatican issued an official apology.

Rosario Lonegro has left Sicily behind and also lives in Milan. Following a nervous breakdown in 2018, he left both the seminary and the conversion therapy group.

While he still believes in God, he no longer wants to become a priest. He shares an apartment with his boyfriend, he studies philosophy and undertakes occasional freelance work to pay for university. However, the psychological wounds inflicted by such activities still run deep.

“During those meetings, one mantra haunted me and was repeated over and over: ‘God didn’t make me that way. God didn’t make me homosexual. It’s only a lie I tell myself,’ I thought I was evil,” he said.

“I will never forget that.”

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this story you can visit BBC Action Line.

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